Highlights
  • How Advertising is Destroying the Freedom of the Press  [Sponsored Content]
    May 6, 2016

    How Advertising is Destroying the Freedom of the Press [Sponsored Content]

    If Generation X was the Pepsi Generation, then Millennials are the Consumer Generation. In a world where young people primarily exist in online space, targeted ads are having a greater impact on the…

  • Ted Cruz Fails Turing Test
    April 21, 2016

    Ted Cruz Fails Turing Test

    After conducting several laboratory experiments and carefully analyzing sound bites from debates, speeches, and advertisements, a highly trained team of computer scientists at the University of Chicago concluded earlier this week that Republican…

  • Two Weeks After Winning His First Oscar, Leonardo DiCaprio Hopes to Finally Lose His Virginity
    March 11, 2016

    Two Weeks After Winning His First Oscar, Leonardo DiCaprio Hopes to Finally Lose His Virginity

    Los Angeles— Ever since Leonardo DiCaprio won his first Academy Award for his performance in Alejandro González Iñárritu’s The Revenant, rumors have circulated that the well-known actor and philanthropist might finally succeed in…

  • A Beautiful Mind: A Ted Cruz Story
    March 8, 2016

    A Beautiful Mind: A Ted Cruz Story

    The year is 1988. A cramped double in 1937 Hall. Half of the room looks like pretty standard college dorm fare: there’s a Jimi Hendrix poster on the wall, a few textbooks strewn…

  • Girl Kiss Academy: Strategy Guide
    March 7, 2016

    Girl Kiss Academy: Strategy Guide

    1. (click on door) Enter Girl Kiss Academy, Oh no, Principal Kiko is there! 2. (click) “Sorry I am late, ma’am” 3. (click) “Detention?!” 4. (click) “I only want to get a passing…

  • 7 Creative Ways to Use Those Babies That Have Been Lying around Your House
    February 29, 2016

    7 Creative Ways to Use Those Babies That Have Been Lying around Your House

    Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and that means it’s almost time for romantic candlelit dinners, candy hearts, and, of course, the time-honored tradition of cleverly hiding babies in the homes of your potential…

  • Why Don’t Any Girls Want to Date a Nice Guy Who Krazy Glued Both of His Hands to His Face?
    February 29, 2016

    Why Don’t Any Girls Want to Date a Nice Guy Who Krazy Glued Both of His Hands to His Face?

    I just don’t get women. They love to talk about how much they want to meet a nice guy who’ll treat them right, but when it comes to who they actually date, they…

  • First Date Tips
    February 28, 2016

    First Date Tips

    Mark your forehead with a large “X” so your date can tell you from your evil twin Offer her your business card several times throughout your meal As soon as your date asks…

  • How to Get the “Unattainable Standard of Beauty” Look
    February 26, 2016

    How to Get the “Unattainable Standard of Beauty” Look

    Unattainable just became attainable! With the help of this handy tutorial, you can finally get the look so hard to achieve that some have gone as far as to call it impossible. First,…

  • The Kama Sutra of Extremely Average Sex
    February 26, 2016

    The Kama Sutra of Extremely Average Sex

    The “Tripping While Removing Your Pants”  The lover removes their leg garments, stumbling slightly in the process. If they fall flat on their face, performing the act of “eating shit”, they may feign to…

  • LIFE HACK: Instead of Spending Money on a Tramp Stamp, Simply Tape a Yu-Gi-Oh Card to Your Lower Back
    February 25, 2016

    LIFE HACK: Instead of Spending Money on a Tramp Stamp, Simply Tape a Yu-Gi-Oh Card to Your Lower Back

    The tramp stamp is a proud American tradition. For decades, these decorative lower-back patterns have let the world know that those who wear them are ready for a walk on the wild side. Unfortunately,…

  • 5 Guys Who Will Definitely Take You to the Aquarium
    February 23, 2016

    5 Guys Who Will Definitely Take You to the Aquarium

    Jeremy Miller: Nobody doubts Jeremy is a fantastic guy. He’s like a taller Zac Efron without the evil glint in his eye. Even better, he’s definitely into you. You’ve seen the way he tripped over…

  • Prefrosh Saving Self for College Hookup Scene
    February 16, 2016

    Prefrosh Saving Self for College Hookup Scene

    Zach McCarthy, a recently admitted member of the Class of 2020, revealed his decision Wednesday to abstain from sexual intercourse until the fall when he can fully take advantage of the university’s hookup…

  • Incredible! Follow These 5 Tips for a Revolutionary Relationship!
    February 13, 2016

    Incredible! Follow These 5 Tips for a Revolutionary Relationship!

    Fellow Countrymen, As General Washington’s troops press on towards Yorktown, King George’s tyranny grows less certain every day. Yet, it behooves us to remember that the driving forces behind any revolution are the…

  • How We Met
    February 9, 2016

    How We Met

    Three women share the rom-com worthy details of how they met their significant others. CYNTHIA Mark and I met at work. I was just making some copies in the copy room when he…

  • Community Events This Month
    December 28, 2015

    Community Events This Month

    Dec 16-17: Jingle and Mingle: Join Holly Parsons of WB4-North for the Annual “Jingle and Mingle.” Semi-formal dress encouraged. Cocktails provided. 7:30 p.m, La Quinta Inn Ballroom, 8700 Riverdale Ln., Merryville, $20, www.wb4north.com/jingleandmingle…

  • Characters We’d Like to See in the New Star Wars Movie
    December 28, 2015

    Characters We’d Like to See in the New Star Wars Movie

    The Force Awakens would be so awesome if these characters made an appearance! R2-D2 But With Muscles (Jedi) R2-D2 is one of the most recognizable robots in movie history. His squat, rounded frame…

  • America’s Sexiest Currently Tenured Ivy League Presidents
    December 28, 2015

    America’s Sexiest Currently Tenured Ivy League Presidents

    Christina Paxson (Brown University) A young, spry, 55 year-old seductress, Christina Paxson was elected the 19th President of Brown University back in 2012. And ever since then, Brown’s balmy Rhode Island campus has…

  • The Tiger Guide to Ivy League Winter Fashion
    December 14, 2015

    The Tiger Guide to Ivy League Winter Fashion

    Looking for the hottest styles to wear during the cold months ahead? Look no further.

  • Courses That Would Actually Be An Easy-A
    December 9, 2015

    Courses That Would Actually Be An Easy-A

    Some of the so-called “Easy-A” courses at Princeton are simply too hard. We here at Tiger Mag recognize this serious problem and are here to help. Below you will find some prospective courses…

  • TAKE THIS QUIZ TO FIND OUT!
    November 22, 2015

    TAKE THIS QUIZ TO FIND OUT!

    Ever wanted to find out? Take this quiz! Do you ever? Sometimes I never ever Once, but I don’t like talking about it I always Do you speak? I speak for a living…

  • Freshman Excited to Live in Same Room Where Renowned Physicist Did Some of His Most Notable Masturbating
    November 16, 2015

    Freshman Excited to Live in Same Room Where Renowned Physicist Did Some of His Most Notable Masturbating

    Listening gleefully to the Sunday morning carillon bells at the Graduate College, first year physics student Marc Flauverat moved his belongings into the dorm room where Nobel Prize-winning physicist Clinton Davisson did some…

  • Bernie Sanders: ‘If Elected President, I Will Continue Bringing Anime to Life.’
    November 4, 2015

    Bernie Sanders: ‘If Elected President, I Will Continue Bringing Anime to Life.’

    Addressing an audience of nearly two thousand at a rally in North Carolina last Saturday, US Senator Bernie Sanders made a bold promise to potential voters: “If elected president, I will continue bringing anime…

  • I’m Pretty Sure the Honor Code Doesn’t Say Anything About an Honest Mistake Between Two Cousins
    October 31, 2015

    I’m Pretty Sure the Honor Code Doesn’t Say Anything About an Honest Mistake Between Two Cousins

      As a Princeton student, I take great pride in my adherence to the University Honor Code. In the past, I’ve looked to “Rights, Rules, Responsibilities” for insights on everything from lab research…

  • Illuminati Application Tips
    October 28, 2015

    Illuminati Application Tips

    So you’ve graduated from an elite university, been part of a few secret societies, burnt a few rival mascots in effigy, and you’re wondering: what’s next? Well, you just might be qualified to…

  • Student Accidentally Refers to Princetoween as “Halloween” in Precept, Forced to Drop Class
    October 26, 2015

    Student Accidentally Refers to Princetoween as “Halloween” in Precept, Forced to Drop Class

    On Tuesday, Jeremy Briggs ’19 took a fatal misstep during a precept for PSY/GSS 329, Psychology of Gender, when he accidentally referred to Princetoween as “Halloween.” According to classmate Maddie Klein ’17, it…

  • 10 Things Right-Handed People Will Never Understand
    October 23, 2015

    10 Things Right-Handed People Will Never Understand

    None of your right-handed friends get our struggles, and it almost seems like the world is designed for everyone else. Here are some frustrations every lefty goes through! You’re trying to interrogate someone,…

  • In Defense of Marriage
    October 17, 2015

    In Defense of Marriage

    There is nothing more sacred than the marital bond. And in these increasingly liberal times, there is no more sacred decision than to defend it. Marriage means stability, fidelity, and the reality that…

  • I’ve Started Using the Up/Down Toilet Flush System to Coordinate my Hookups–Here’s Why You Should Too!
    October 13, 2015

    I’ve Started Using the Up/Down Toilet Flush System to Coordinate my Hookups–Here’s Why You Should Too!

    Most of you all are probably quite familiar with the popular hookup app Tinder. Perhaps even more of you are familiar with Princeton’s world-renowned two-flush toilet system–up for liquids, down for solids. But…

  • Yet Another Donald Trump Quiz!
    September 28, 2015

    Yet Another Donald Trump Quiz!

    You’ve seen them all. “Quiz: Did Donald Trump say this Outrageous quote or no?” (Washington Post) “Trump or Colbert” (US Magazine) “Who said it: Donald Trump or Lucille Bluth?” (Buzzfeed) Well, put your…

  • Republican Candidates Propose New Birth Control Bill
    August 28, 2015

    Republican Candidates Propose New Birth Control Bill

    Although the seventeen Republican candidates currently running for President cannot even agree to all be Republicans, the GOP’ers are unanimous on one issue: abortion. Every candidate running claims to be pro-life, some even…

  • Princeton’s New Hot Profession: Divestment Banker
    April 20, 2015

    Princeton’s New Hot Profession: Divestment Banker

    Gone are the days when the graduating class of Princeton University would descend en masse onto Lower Manhattan to take their spots in the trading floors and brokerage houses of Wall Street. No longer…

  • Student Proves Opinion Correct by Posting Picture of Self on Facebook
    April 19, 2015

    Student Proves Opinion Correct by Posting Picture of Self on Facebook

    Percy Worthington ’16 proved his opinion correct by posting a picture of himself on Facebook, sources say, pioneering a new 21st century style of argumentation that logicians are calling argumentum ad selfie. “For…

  • EXCLUSIVE: The First Interview with Brian Williams Since His Suspension
    February 17, 2015

    EXCLUSIVE: The First Interview with Brian Williams Since His Suspension

    Yesterday morning, Brian Williams came down to The Princeton Tiger’s headquarters at 48 University Place for an interview with a member of our revered editorial staff. This is the anchor’s first interview since…

  • 12 Times John Goodman Made Us The Thirstiest in 2014
    February 13, 2015

    12 Times John Goodman Made Us The Thirstiest in 2014

    1. 2014 was a truly #thirsty year for #teamJG with human salt-lick John Goodman making more red carpet appearances than ever before. 2. We’re guessing this Big Lebowski star has a Big LeWOWski…

  • Princeton Freshman Disproves Gravity
    January 16, 2015

    Princeton Freshman Disproves Gravity

    The scientific community has been turned upside down after Princeton University freshman Natalia Chen found that the two-hundred-year-old established value for the acceleration of gravity on earth is incorrect.

  • The 8 Ways to Get Home for Winter Break
    December 4, 2014

    The 8 Ways to Get Home for Winter Break

    Via car, with your parents Stare broodingly out the window while your mom aggressively interrogates you on your romantic prospects. Pray for the sweet embrace of death. Via car, with someone you randomly…

  • What Does “Bike Reform” Actually Mean?
    December 2, 2014

    What Does “Bike Reform” Actually Mean?

    The campus debate on bike reform has reached a fever pitch, but one question remains: what is bike reform?

  • BREAKING: New York Times Breaks Campus News Before Campus Newspaper
    December 1, 2014

    BREAKING: New York Times Breaks Campus News Before Campus Newspaper

    At 8:57 pm, while the top story on the Daily Princetonian’s webpage was “Cartoon: Family Survivor Tips,” the New York Times broke a story about last week’s ouster of Tiger Inn officers Adam Krop and Andrew Hoffenberg. The scoop comes just…

  • The 54 Most Influential Books of the Last Millennium
    October 15, 2014

    The 54 Most Influential Books of the Last Millennium

    Find out the 54 most important works of literature that have been published in the last 1000 years.

  • Urgent PTENS Meningitis Texts
    October 12, 2014

    Urgent PTENS Meningitis Texts

    Following a number of zany texts earlier this year about meningitis from the University’s Emergency Notification System, the school adopted a more aggressive anti-disease stance.

  • Class Council Campaign Promises
    October 6, 2014

    Class Council Campaign Promises

    Free townies, rain means class is optional, and residential college graveyards.

  • How Can Consent Be Real If Our Sex Isn’t Real?
    September 19, 2014

    How Can Consent Be Real If Our Sex Isn’t Real?

    Ever felt that online debates surrounding rape culture could be ended if that one special person would just chime in? Jaden Smith is here to save the day, taking inspiration from his favorite publication, The Princeton Tory.

  • Emoticons for an Evolving Age
    July 12, 2014

    Emoticons for an Evolving Age

    Sometimes a crude, punctuation-based picture is worth a small collection of words. And in this age of smartphones, where texting could transform at any moment into meaningful conversation, never has the conservation of…

  • Who Said It: Eisgruber or Pinochet?
    April 13, 2014

    Who Said It: Eisgruber or Pinochet?

    Can you figure out which quotes are from Princeton University President Christopher L. Eisgruber and which are from Brutal Chilean Dictator Augusto Pinochet?

  • Rejected Hardy Boys Titles
    April 2, 2014

    Rejected Hardy Boys Titles

    The Hardy Boys and The Secret of the Internship Search The Hardy Boys and The Key to Dad’s Liquor Cabinet The Hardy Boys and The Juxtapositions of Narratives:  A Deconstruction of Gendered Characterization Paradigms in Postmodern…

  • Who Is This Man? A Profile of President Eisgruber
    April 1, 2014

    Who Is This Man? A Profile of President Eisgruber

    Princeton President Christopher Eisgruber opens up about his adventurous past and talks about his journey to the job.

  • Clumsy, Bumbling Green Beret Squad Stabilizes Middle East
    April 1, 2014

    Clumsy, Bumbling Green Beret Squad Stabilizes Middle East

    After a wholly improbable sequence of events, the uncoordinated, ham-fisted Green Berets of ODA 5327 somehow managed to bring stability and order to the entire Middle East, learning a valuable lesson about the importance of friendship in the process.

  • Green Is Good
    April 1, 2014

    Green Is Good

    Seattle, WA. 11:25 am. The trendy green products markets open at 11:30. It’s game time.

  • Under the Underground Railroad
    April 1, 2014

    Under the Underground Railroad

    It is America in the mid-1850s. We are in an age of social intolerance & civil unrest. America is fast approaching civil war, and every day becomes more dangerous than the last for abolitionist Frederick Turner, who writes to his fiancée.

  • Is Your Teen Doing “Weed?”
    April 1, 2014

    Is Your Teen Doing “Weed?”

    Has your child been acting strangely in recent years? Odds are, they are using illegal drugs to become “high.” Be on the lookout for the following telltale signs.

  • Campus Safety Alert
    April 1, 2014

    Campus Safety Alert

    This is NOT a test. Because of an anticipated surplus of alcohol in the Princeton University Public Safety staff lounge, students and faculty are advised to come down-campus and help us kill these 30-racks starting at 10 pm today, March 27th and continuing into the early hours of March 28th.

  • Green Eggs and Daaaaaamn
    April 1, 2014

    Green Eggs and Daaaaaamn

    I do not like Green Eggs, but damn…

  • The Most Sustainable Excerpts from 50 Shades of Green
    April 1, 2014

    The Most Sustainable Excerpts from 50 Shades of Green

    Right now, the only thing hotter than global warming is this steamy new romp from G.W. Jameson. The novel, printed on mostly recycled material, follows the passionate commitment to helping our planet shared…

  • Capmandon’t
    December 4, 2013

    Capmandon’t

    I’ve been doing some contract work lately. Anscombe Society stuff. Why? Cause I’m the best in the biz, that’s why. I’ve been preventing hookups since you were wearing diapers, kid. I’m a professional. They call me “The Blocker.”

  • Ask Dr. Sex
    December 4, 2013

    Ask Dr. Sex

    A lot of people have asked me where my favorite place to do the sex is. I always tell these people that there is no place better than Prospect Garden. But it is no easy task because I assume that you want to keep it a secret from onlookers and P-Safe. Let me take a couple of moments to explain the best strategy.

  • Secrets to a Shredded Bod
    December 4, 2013

    Secrets to a Shredded Bod

    Worried about packing on that winter weight? Looking to ward off the Freshman Fifteen? Tired of your preceptor calling you Fatty McLovehandles? Whatever your reason, you want to get shredded. But who has the time? Now YOU do, thanks to these 5 secrets that Buddhist Monks have been using to get ripped quickly for thousands of years.

  • Princeton Shoots to #1, Harvard on Rapid Decline
    November 23, 2013

    Princeton Shoots to #1, Harvard on Rapid Decline

    Leading experts in college analysis have determined that Princeton is objectively better than Harvard. According to a committee of feuding alumni at US News Magazine, Princeton has achieved a US News & World Report rating of 100 beating out Harvard’s mere 99.

  • Several Tigertones Hospitalized After Drive-by Serenade
    October 19, 2013

    Several Tigertones Hospitalized After Drive-by Serenade

    In what many students are already calling this year’s most shocking incident of organized rhyme, three members of the Princeton Tigertones were hospitalized Thursday morning after being serenaded and shot at from a moving vehicle.

  • Student Wins Precept
    October 17, 2013

    Student Wins Precept

    When asked for general thoughts on the book his professor wrote, a student posed a question so intellectual, thought-provoking and unquestionably correct that his professor, Bernard Kensington, was unable to muster a response.

  • President Eisgruber Steps Down, Cites Three-Year Affair with David Petraeus
    October 7, 2013

    President Eisgruber Steps Down, Cites Three-Year Affair with David Petraeus

    In a move that has shaken the Princeton community to its very core, President Christopher L. Eisgruber resigned from his position Monday morning, revealing a “passionate, tragic” affair between himself and former U.S. Army General David Petraeus.

  • January 10, 2011

    Twas the Night Before Dean’s Date

    Twas the night before Dean’s Date and perched on my chair, I threw up my hands and cried out in despair. The libr’y was full, not one sound broke the silence, Until I…

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