North Korea changes its currency to WoW gold

Pamphlets — March 7, 2010 at 10:47 pm

In a startling turn of events, North Korea has announced that it will be discontinuing use of its recently devalued won currency in favor of the denomination exchanged in Blizzard’s popular online game World of Warcraft, “WoW gold.” The recent currency revolution has been revealed as an abysmal failure, rather a success, as the government claimed. The North Korean government’s impeccable...

North Korea changes its currency to WoW gold

March 7th, 2010 | Pamphlets | Read More

The FCC Goes Balls To The Wall

The FCC released a statement today stating it will crack down on the abuse of testicular trauma in motion pictures beginning in the year 2010. Chairman of the organization, Julius Genachowski, was quoted as saying, “We all have our favorite nut tap moments: the bowling ball in Home Alone – such a...

February 27th, 2010 | Entertainment | Read More

The Tribe Files for Tax-Exempt Status

PRINCETON, NJ — An exclusive group of freshman girls who call themselves “The Tribe” filed a lawsuit this week against the federal government, demanding that the group be exempted from all sales taxes — in particular those levied during frequent spiritual journeys to J. Crew. The leader...

February 23rd, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

How to Write a Paper About Nothing

Writing classes tell students a lot of things. A great many of these things are true, if you’re one of those outmoded models with a “drive to learn” (it hurts to type it) or are one of the poor souls to major in a topic with the word “literature” attached to it. For the rest of us, a different...

February 22nd, 2010 | Life | Read More

An Interview with St. Valentine

Just in time for four days after Valentine’s Day, Tiger was lucky enough to stumble upon the spirit of St. Valentine, a Roman Catholic martyr, who was stoned after trying to convert the Roman Emperor Claudius. We promptly recorded an interview… and forgot to set up the microphone to record...

February 18th, 2010 | Fiction/Poetry | Read More

Discrimination By (Lack of) Sex

Affirmative action is a contentious policy. Of late, women and African Americans such as Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, and Barack Obama have modeled visible progress, so proponents of affirmative action have reason to be ecstatic. Yet as discrimination in the workforce becomes less and less acceptable,...

February 16th, 2010 | Opinion | Read More

Computer Engineer Barbie Creates Unrealistic Expectations for Women, Engineers

“I really like programming, but I’ll never be pretty enough to be a computer engineer.” Heather Rogers, like countless other 6-12 year old girls, is part of the next generation of victims in Mattel’s 50-year crusade against women in the workplace. When computer engineer was...

February 15th, 2010 | Life | Read More

Breakup Leaves Man’s Heart, Refrigerator Cold And Empty

The devastating breakup with his live-in girlfriend of three years has left local man Andrew White emotionally drained and hungry. “I really thought she was the one,” White told reporters, speaking from a poorly lit bedroom that reflected the darkness in his soul. “All I’ve...

February 14th, 2010 | Life | Read More

Princeton Volunteers Dispense Hot Breakfasts to Deprived Harvard Students

The Harvard administration eliminated hot breakfasts for Harvard students due to budget cuts, and the situation was desperate. These kids needed an angel… and they got several. On Friday, November 6, The Princeton Tiger led a humanitarian aid mission to bring hot breakfast– oatmeal– to Harvard...

February 12th, 2010 | Princeton, Video | Read More

TV of the Future

Dull Housewife This Hallmark program will track the life and times of the rapidly aging Mrs. Fieldman, as she watches made-for-tv movies for 18 hours a day without variation. As her children become more distant and her husband’s list of infidelities grows, she will simply increase the volume and...

February 10th, 2010 | Entertainment | Read More