Year: 2010
UNCOVERED: Outdoor Action Developed as Quasi-Military Training for Frosh
Upon the return of the intrepid members of the Class of 2014 who emerged from their respective wilderness…
Warner Bros Releases NolanVision
“Unbelievable,” said Jared Hamburger, stumbling out into the night after a showing of Eat Pray Love, the debut…
In Stunning Reversal, IAU Rules That Pluto is in Fact the Only Planet
The International Astronomical Union (IAU) in Prague, amending their 2006 definition, voted Tuesday to again redefine “planet,” now…
Do’s and Don’ts of Video Conferences
Whether you’re Skyping a coworker, interviewing via video chat, or spending your so-called vacation in the Bahamas dealing…
North Korea Develops “Taunt Offensive”
Documents detailing a top-secret North Korean military program intended to weaponize common insults were published yesterday by several…
Point A Sues Point B
Point A has officially filed a suit to indefinitely halt a mass exodus to Point B. The suit…
Ralph Nader ‘55 to Run for Freshman Class President
BREAKING NEWS: Perennial candidate Ralph Nader has reportedly just filed paperwork to run for freshman class president. “Normally…
Vocation Location: The Story of My Meteoric Rise as a Criminal Gun Caddie
This is a story all about how my life got turned upside-down. Except, seriously, a dealer once turned…
Nikita on the Street
I am a freshman. I am a female freshman. I am a brunette, female freshman. I am a…
Rhode Island Votes to Move Off Coast of New York to Alleviate Confusion
Today, in a move that will merely fulfill the expectations of many, the Rhode Island State Senate voted…
University Denies Application for Proposed Squirrel Hunting Club
The Office of the Dean of Undergraduate Students announced yesterday that a petition to create the proposed Squirrel…
Cereal Mascots Vie To Replace Dean Malkiel
With Dean Malkiel leaving Princeton, our great university has to find someone to fill that gap. What we…