Posts Tagged ‘science’

God Checks Into Rehab For Gambling Addiction

Elysium, SPIRIT WORLD—Professional personal deity God has checked Himself into a rehabilitation centre in the Elysian Fields, citing gaming problems and schizophrenia. The aleph-null-year-old Creator, also known as Yahweh, first acknowledged His incessant habit of playing dice last century. All-powerful...
September 22nd, 2011 | Life | Read More

In Stunning Reversal, IAU Rules That Pluto is in Fact the Only Planet

Prague, Czech Republic – The International Astronomical Union (IAU) in Prague, amending their 2006 definition, voted Tuesday to again redefine “planet,” now making Pluto the only planet in the solar system, just four years after it was banished in favor of an 8-planet system. Following the controversial...
October 17th, 2010 | Sci/Tech | Read More

Toyota Recalls CERN Due To Particle Accelerator Malfunction

The Toyota Motor Company today announced it is expanding its recall of products with faulty accelerators to include the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN).  Many operators of CERN’s multi-billion-dollar particle accelerator, the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), complained that the futuristic...
March 24th, 2010 | Business | Read More

Archeological Dig in Firestone Library Turns up New Human Ancestor

Late last night, archaeologists working overtime in the recently discovered fifth basement of Firestone Library uncovered the preserved remains of several Princeton students who they believe to date back hundreds of years.  Their report, released today, details the specifics of their find. “With this...
January 17th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

So You Think You Can Science?

Welcome to the recap show of So You Think You Can Science! I’m Bill Nye — yes, the Science Guy — and I will be your host tonight. In these past four weeks our contestants have been pushed to their limits, and next week our judges will finally pick the winner. Which overachieving, neurotic...
November 23rd, 2009 | Entertainment | Read More

Profiles of Strong Women in Science: Susan C. Frericks

When Susan C. Frericks began her career in genomics ten years ago, no one took her seriously.  ”It seemed that no matter how hard I worked or what I discovered, I was never taken seriously because of my gender,” explained Frericks. When she discovered novel oncogenetic phenotypes in some...
September 18th, 2008 | Sci/Tech | Read More

Solar System Downsizing Prompts Plutonium’s Removal from Periodic Table

Plutonium responds In response to last month’s announcement by the International Astronomical Union that Pluto was no longer a planet, IUPAC, the international group of chemists with a name too long to bother writing, has announced that plutonium will be removed from the periodic table. “Any...
September 22nd, 2006 | Sci/Tech | Read More