"Princeton" tag

LikeaLittle Posts that Made Me Swoon

9:23 pm- At Dillon: Female, Blonde I am a hideous wretch who has no hope at improving my physique. You are a very hot and fit female person who is well out of…

Princeton Defeats Harvard in Animal Abuse Match

In addition to football’s three-point victory over Columbia last week, Princeton managed to eke out another win against arch-rival Harvard in the annual Ivy League animal abuse tournament. The Tigers defeated the Crimson…

22 Rejected Thesis Titles

Making Melanoma: Titration of the Dose of Zinc-based UV-ray Blocking Products to Produce the Optimal Skin Pigmentation in a Caucasian Male A Comparative Analysis of Hops-based Alcoholic Beverages How Much Money Can I…

5 Tips On Selling Princeton to Admitted Students

There are only a few days left until the pre-frosh are required to commit to one school or another. Here’s how to make sure that school is Princeton: DO NOT ask your pre-frosh…

Old Man Lurer Had Audacity to be Old, Unattractive

It has been two weeks since Tony Kadyhrob was spotted in the Borough of Princeton, but the aftereffects linger. Kadyhrob, 68, a noted lurer, had been luring his way up and down Western…

Princeton University Reverses Controversial Policy

After several years of experimentation, Princeton University announced a plan to remove a generally-disliked policy and revert to the original system.  As President Shirley Tilghman explains in an article on Princeton’s website, in…

“Tiger Mother” Confirms: Raise Your Kids to Attend Princeton

The media has been abuzz in recent weeks about Yale Professor of Law Amy Chua’s new book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.  The book makes several claims that the world has received…

A Petrarchan Sonnet for Dean’s Date

How soon, so soon! our finals week arrives! It drives the best of us up to the brink And the rest of all of us to heavy drink. But we are Princeton so…

Princeton Looks into More Efficient Heating Solution than Elves with Hammers

In response to accusations of wasteful energy use in regard to its dormitory heating systems, administrators at Princeton have begun exploring alternatives to the current system of elves striking the inner walls of the radiators with hammers.

Arch Sing Accidentally Scheduled in Holland Tunnel

A travesty occurred late Thursday night when a Nassoons performance in New York City was accidently scheduled in the Holland Tunnel. The error seems to have occurred when a request to have the…

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