"Princeton" tag
Final Exam

On Having Finals After Break

To having finals after break I’d favor burning at the stake. At least the fire wouldn’t take as long as death by Monster shake. At MIT, they may play Quake and Brown kids…

Ohlwiler_Helicopter Web

Princeton Approves Orgy on Cannon Green

Less than a week after Harvard officially recognized Harvard College Munch, a student group devoted to kinky sex, the Ivy League’s kinky sex arms race escalated. Yesterday, Princeton University issued a press release encouraging the freshman class to participate in a class-wide orgy on Cannon Green.

scalia cover

Scalia Writes “Rights” on a Piece of Paper, Pisses on It

Associate Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia makes some controversial remarks at Princeton.


Fire Safety to Administer Literal Fire Drills Tuesday

In a follow-up to their Thursday email regarding the upcoming fire drills, Housing Operations announced today that they were putting aside the traditional fire-drill procedure, where fire drill personnel direct students out of their dorms, in favor of another procedure that involves the use of actual drills of fire.


University Raises Sushi Prices Yet Again, Resulting in Mass Student Outrage and Chaos

Not long after lowering sushi prices after student discontent, Princeton University was forced to raise sushi prices yet again.


Top 10 Ways To Troll This Parent’s Weekend

Yes, be an asshole.

The Tiger’s Hymn

The Schools You Could Have Gone To (or, There’s Nothing Wrong With Ending a Title in a Preposition) You could have gone to Harvard And been a Crimson man. But what the fuck’s…

‘Twas the Night Post-Commencement

‘Twas the night post-commencement When all through my head Not a thought there was stirring But fear, doubt, and dread. My parents paid dearly, Got bills upon bills. But what am I left…

“Through Prefrosh Eyes”

Click to See a Larger Version!

Sleeping Positions: A Clinical Study

An intensive study performed through Dean’s Date and finals period has culminated in the following psychological profile of the habits of Homo Sapiens Princetoniae with regards to general resting and slumber-related behavior.  …

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