Posts Tagged ‘Princeton’

The 7 People You Will Meet Your Freshman Year

The Kid Who’s Just Really Excited to Be Here This is the kid whose wardrobe is comprised of a rotation of all of the free residential college gear he received, along with a pair of khaki cargo pants (the cleanliness of which is questionable). When you pass your residential college’s game-room on...
October 16th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

LikeaLittle Posts that Made Me Swoon

9:23 pm- At Dillon: Female, Blonde I am a hideous wretch who has no hope at improving my physique. You are a very hot and fit female person who is well out of my league, and you really don’t need to demoralize me the few times I’m there. Please don’t; and I might like you a little more. 8:29 pm-...
October 11th, 2011 | Life | Read More

Princeton Defeats Harvard in Animal Abuse Match

In addition to football’s three-point victory over Columbia last week, Princeton managed to eke out another win against arch-rival Harvard in the annual Ivy League animal abuse tournament. The Tigers defeated the Crimson by just a single violation of the natural laws governing the interactions between...
October 9th, 2011 | Princeton, Sports | Read More

22 Rejected Thesis Titles

Making Melanoma: Titration of the Dose of Zinc-based UV-ray Blocking Products to Produce the Optimal Skin Pigmentation in a Caucasian Male A Comparative Analysis of Hops-based Alcoholic Beverages How Much Money Can I Get the University to Give Me: A Quantitative Analysis Global warming: Why we’re...
May 3rd, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

5 Tips On Selling Princeton to Admitted Students

There are only a few days left until the pre-frosh are required to commit to one school or another. Here’s how to make sure that school is Princeton: DO NOT ask your pre-frosh if he would care for a round of squash. DO NOT point out the spot where Woodrow Wilson discovered his homosexuality. (Prospect...
April 26th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

Old Man Lurer Had Audacity to be Old, Unattractive

It has been two weeks since Tony Kadyhrob was spotted in the Borough of Princeton, but the aftereffects linger. Kadyhrob, 68, a noted lurer, had been luring his way up and down Western New Jersey in his bitching maroon Yaris for days, and was infamous for both his desire to have sex with college-aged...
April 23rd, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

Princeton University Reverses Controversial Policy

After several years of experimentation, Princeton University announced a plan to remove a generally-disliked policy and revert to the original system.  As President Shirley Tilghman explains in an article on Princeton’s website, in adopting the policy, “we [had] hoped other colleges and universities...
February 24th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

“Tiger Mother” Confirms: Raise Your Kids to Attend Princeton

The media has been abuzz in recent weeks about Yale Professor of Law Amy Chua’s new book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.  The book makes several claims that the world has received as outrageous, extraordinary, and even shocking. The book has encountered a somewhat different reception in Princeton,...
February 9th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

A Petrarchan Sonnet for Dean’s Date

How soon, so soon! our finals week arrives! It drives the best of us up to the brink And the rest of all of us to heavy drink. But we are Princeton so this is our lives. Our dean, you see, so fiendishly connives, A tricky way to make sure that we think. For most of us will see our grade-points sink For...
January 10th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

Princeton Looks into More Efficient Heating Solution than Elves with Hammers

In response to accusations of wasteful energy use in regard to its dormitory heating systems, administrators at Princeton University have created the Task Force on Heating Efficiency, whose commission is to explore alternative options and make a recommendation to the Trustees on whether renovations...
January 7th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More