"Princeton" tag
No Halloween

Student Accidentally Refers to Princetoween as “Halloween” in Precept, Forced to Drop Class

On Tuesday, Jeremy Briggs ’19 took a fatal misstep during a precept for PSY/GSS 329, Psychology of Gender, when he accidentally referred to Princetoween as “Halloween.” According to classmate Maddie Klein ’17, it…


As Measles Panic Spreads, Witch Hunt Begins

In the wake of the measles outbreak that has plunged Princeton Bay Colony into utter chaos, causing livestock and grain to vanish, shopkeepers to shutter their windows, and scores of townspeople to disappear,…


Point/Counterpoint: Campus Cyclists Should Ride More Slowly vs. QUAKE, MORTAL

From the Pedestrians Dear Cyclists, We pedestrians realize that you guys are only trying to get around campus a bit faster, and we respect that. We only ask that you be a little…

sherlock (1)

Eight Signs You Went to Princeton But Have Total Retrograde Amnesia

You ALWAYS tell people you went to “a small liberal arts school in New Jersey” because that’s all you’ve been able to piece together of the life you had before.

Humor is Worthless

People say that satire has the power to educate and change and even assert its author’s own opinions. They are wrong.


Who Is This Man? A Profile of President Eisgruber

Princeton President Christopher Eisgruber opens up about his adventurous past and talks about his journey to the job.


Sorry, We Cannot Offer You a Bid

It’s with sincere regret that I must inform you that we cannot offer you membership into 19 Club, Princeton’s premier all-male, secret tobacco smoking society. I guess you could say it wasn’t your “lucky strike,” “bud.”

Princeton’s Endowment is Huge

“I always saw ads on the internet that promised to make my applicant pool bigger and stronger, and I never believed them,” said Eisgruber. “But one day, I clicked, and, well—here we are.”


Furious Tilghman Unleashes Full Brunt of Weather Machine

Princeton University President Shirley Tilghman, angered for unexplained reasons, has been using her personal weather machine to wreak havoc on the University campus.

Bootleg Eating Clubs

Bootleg Eating Clubs

Because F. Pretensions

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