Posts Tagged ‘Princeton’

Dean Malkiel to Cap Supreme Court At 35% Princetonians

PRINCETON, NJ  Nancy Weiss Malkiel, Dean of the College at Princeton University, has expressed concern over Elena Kegan’s recent nomination to the Supreme Court.  “Miss Kagan is certainly a candidate of the highest caliber, and I wish her well,” Malkiel said.  “But she represents an alarming...
May 10th, 2010 | Politics | Read More

Princeton Hipsters Far More Committed Than Once Thought

In an ironic twist, the latest eating club task force has found 100% of Tiger Inn’s newest members to be hipsters. As President Shirley Tilghman reports, “All the signs are there. Everything is done with a sense of irony. After all, you have to have a certain je ne sais quoi to go to a school like...
April 16th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Where Did The Wu/Wilcox Mugs Go?

The Wu/Wilcox dining halls reportedly started off the year with 1300 mugs and now have only 64 remaining.  So what happened to the other 1236 mugs?  By our accounting: 65 were used as accent pieces for “dirty hipster” theme night costumes 81 were packaged in crates and sold to Iran as “nuclear...
April 5th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Shakespeare Troupe Disbanded for Discrimination

PRINCETON – In accordance with University equal opportunity regulations, Dean of Undergraduate Students Kathleen Deignan has temporarily suspended the Princeton “Swordfight-by-Night” Shakespeare troupe that until now has practiced in the New Butler amphitheatre and pissed the living shit out of...
April 1st, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

The Tribe Files for Tax-Exempt Status

PRINCETON, NJ — An exclusive group of freshman girls who call themselves “The Tribe” filed a lawsuit this week against the federal government, demanding that the group be exempted from all sales taxes — in particular those levied during frequent spiritual journeys to J. Crew. The leader...
February 23rd, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Pleasant Time Had by All at Alcohol-free Event

This piece, by Gerald Harper '10, was personally selected by President Tilghman for display on her refrigerator A social experiment organized by Princeton’s administration and the USG, which was held Saturday evening in the Chancellor Green library, was a smashing success, students and administrators...
November 11th, 2009 | Princeton | Read More

Princeton Symposium to Encourage Interdisciplinary Approach to Alcoholism

Princeton University, home to thousands of brilliant minds from diverse intellectual backgrounds, is encouraging its students and faculty to work across departments to gain insight into risky drinking behavior.  Scholars of all disciplines are encouraged to attend symposiums held every Friday, Saturday,...
September 24th, 2009 | Health | Read More

Prefab[ulous] Extension Requests

Brought to you by Tiger Magazine* If you’re like most people you arrived at Princeton a few weeks ago ready to kick academic ass. By the second week, though, most remember that Princeton can be challenging. By the third they realize it is actually kind of hard. Damn hard, in fact. By the fifth...
November 1st, 2007 | Princeton | Read More

How to Make Fun of Jian Li and Not Offend Billions of Asians (Really, Billions)

We’re taught to ignore differences and assume everyone is equal… or acknowledge differences and celebrate them but everyone is equal… or is it that you can make fun of a race if you’re part of it…or not the Holocaust but the Russian gulag…or it’s women who you...
February 15th, 2007 | Princeton | Read More