Posts Tagged ‘obama’

Breaking News: Obama Attempts To Cover Up the Fact That He’s Transparent

In a shocking story from the White House, it appears that President Obama has been hiding a secret so scandalous that it is only now, over two years into his presidency, that it has finally come to light—Obama is, in fact, highly transparent and accountable. The administration has gone to such obsessive...
April 1st, 2011 | Politics | Read More

Catastrophe at the White House: A Playful Tick Brings in the Bomb Squad

Catastrophe struck last night on National Cancer Appreciation Day when, what began as a lighthearted play-date for Malia and Sasha with a herd of cancer kids, turned into a misunderstanding that made Romeo’s suicide look like the awkwardness that ensues when one person tries to go for high-five and...
January 28th, 2011 | Politics | Read More

Breaking News: Majority Of Americans To Be Relocated To ‘Reeducation’ Camps

President Obama announced this morning that, in the wake of the midterm elections, a staggering number of Americans—well over fifty percent—will be compelled to undergo a mandatory “Reeducation” program at internment camps across the country.  The president went on to explain that the impetus...
November 3rd, 2010 | Politics | Read More

Shyamalan to Direct Obama’s Presidency

In a move which seems calculated to alienate his already-shrinking fan base, President Barack Obama has hired director M. Night Shyamalan to replace Senior Advisor David Axelrod. “I just think my first term could really use a twist-ending,” said the President, defending his controversial...
October 1st, 2010 | Politics | Read More

Panic, as Joe Biden Finds Chocolate in White House Kitchen

An alarm was raised in the White House yesterday when it was discovered that Vice President Joe Biden had ingested a large amount of baker’s chocolate which he had found while sniffing around the White House kitchen. Though Biden was in a perilous state of health immediately after consuming the...
December 1st, 2009 | Politics | Read More

One Hundred Lies About Barack Obama

1. Barack Obama’s signature drink is the 7&7&7 (ice, Seagram 7, 7-Up, a seven dollar bill) 2. Though not a secret Muslim, Barack Obama is, in fact, a secret Sikh, which is significantly harder to keep secret. 3. Barack Obama will only agree to enter a stadium or sports arena if his entrance...
October 20th, 2009 | Politics | Read More

Kanye West Hired by United Nations as Official Speech Timekeeper

Recently, after Libyan leader Muammar al-Gaddafi effectively turned his 15-minute speech at the latest United Nations conference into an hour-and-thirty-six-minute observational comedy stand-up routine, the United Nations has decided that circumlocution will no longer be tolerated. According to Ban...
October 15th, 2009 | Politics | Read More

Obama Wins Peace Prize

The 2009 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to Barack Obama for his “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and” — wait, what?  Now don’t get me wrong, Obama seems all cool and stuff, but honestly, the man has been president for 8 months.  Even if he cured...
October 9th, 2009 | Politics | Read More