Posts Tagged ‘obama’

Panic, as Joe Biden Finds Chocolate in White House Kitchen

An alarm was raised in the White House yesterday when it was discovered that Vice President Joe Biden had ingested a large amount of baker’s chocolate which he had found while sniffing around the White House kitchen. Though Biden was in a perilous state of health immediately after consuming the...
December 1st, 2009 | Politics | Read More

One Hundred Lies About Barack Obama

1. Barack Obama’s signature drink is the 7&7&7 (ice, Seagram 7, 7-Up, a seven dollar bill) 2. Though not a secret Muslim, Barack Obama is, in fact, a secret Sikh, which is significantly harder to keep secret. 3. Barack Obama will only agree to enter a stadium or sports arena if his entrance...
October 20th, 2009 | Politics | Read More

Kanye West Hired by United Nations as Official Speech Timekeeper

Recently, after Libyan leader Muammar al-Gaddafi effectively turned his 15-minute speech at the latest United Nations conference into an hour-and-thirty-six-minute observational comedy stand-up routine, the United Nations has decided that circumlocution will no longer be tolerated. According to Ban...
October 15th, 2009 | Politics | Read More

Obama Wins Peace Prize

The 2009 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to Barack Obama for his “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and” — wait, what?  Now don’t get me wrong, Obama seems all cool and stuff, but honestly, the man has been president for 8 months.  Even if he cured...
October 9th, 2009 | Politics | Read More