"obama" tag

Obama and Iran’s President Speak by Phone, Begin Texting

Mere days after Friday’s momentous disclosure that the presidents of the United States and Iran had talked on the phone for the first time in decades, a giddy President Obama revealed to close friends today that he and his Iranian counterpart Hasan Rohani have begun texting.

Newt Gingrich Increases List of Things He Promises To Fix That The President Has No Control Over

Pundits and voters were abuzz last week over GOP presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich’s new economic plan, in which he promised $2.50/gallon gasoline if  elected president. This weekend at campaign stops in Georgia and…

Breaking News: Obama Attempts To Cover Up the Fact That He’s Transparent

In a shocking story from the White House, it appears that President Obama has been hiding a secret so scandalous that it is only now, over two years into his presidency, that it…

Catastrophe at the White House: A Playful Tick Brings in the Bomb Squad

Catastrophe struck last night on National Cancer Appreciation Day when, what began as a lighthearted play-date for Malia and Sasha with a herd of cancer kids, turned into a misunderstanding that made Romeo’s…

Breaking News: Majority Of Americans To Be Relocated To ‘Reeducation’ Camps

President Obama announced this morning that, in the wake of the midterm elections, a staggering number of Americans—well over fifty percent—will be compelled to undergo a mandatory “Reeducation” program at internment camps across…

Shyamalan to Direct Obama’s Presidency

In a move which seems calculated to alienate his already-shrinking fan base, President Barack Obama has hired director M. Night Shyamalan to replace Senior Advisor David Axelrod. “I just think my first term could really…

Panic, as Joe Biden Finds Chocolate in White House Kitchen

An alarm was raised in the White House yesterday when it was discovered that Vice President Joe Biden had ingested a large amount of baker’s chocolate which he had found while sniffing around the White House kitchen.

One Hundred Lies About Barack Obama

#55: While a state legislator, Barack Obama spearheaded a short-lived effort to make the Illinois state bird The Eagles.
#56: In his desk in the oval office, Barack Obama keeps a revolver with a single bullet, just in case.

Kanye West Hired by United Nations as Official Speech Timekeeper

Moon and other UN officials have decided that they would give Kanye West the responsibility of stopping world leaders when they simply fail to sit down.

Obama Wins Peace Prize

The 2009 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to Barack Obama for his “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and” — wait, what?  Now don’t get me wrong, Obama seems all cool and…

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