"Hogwarts" tag
Illustrated by AZ '16

How to Exaggerate Your Summer (A Primer)

You got a job and networked like you were born for it, but at the end of the day you wonder whether you regret ending your childhood at the tender age of twenty, and you’re desperate to preserve the charade that you’re an at least halfway interesting human being.


Stopping by McCosh on a Drunken Evening

Whose coat this is I think I know. He must be back in Terrace, though; He did not see me stealing it To wear as I plod through the snow. My friend must…

Student Refers to Dorm Where She Ceaselessly Questions Self-Worth as “Home Away From Home”

Late last night Joanna Mendelson ’17 led her younger brother and sister into the very dorm room where she routinely questions her own abilities and self-worth. Setting the tone for her family’s two-day…


Dear Member of the Class of 2018

Dear member of the class of 2018, On behalf of this entire institution, we would like to welcome you to Princeton. From your outstanding SAT scores to your incredible essay that succeeded in…


Six Unrealistic Scenarios that End with Me Kissing This Girl in My Hall

1. Conscription for the robot war has begun early. Princeton is torn to shreds.  Dorms are set aflame and the sky has turned a darkness blacker than the depths of Overlord Eisgruber’s eyes. Wilson…

The Princeton Bucket List

As you sit in the chapel for Opening Exercises, Princeton feels like it will last forever. But time flies when you’re drunk this frequently, and your time at Princeton will seem like it’s…


A Guide to Princeton Precept Etiquette

As you begin your first semester here at Princeton, you’ll be introduced to a type of class known as the “precept.” You’re probably wondering what exactly a “precept” is. Well, it’s actually very…

Illustrated by CO '15.

Grade Deflation’s End Leaves Students Looking for New Ways to Rationalize Failures

Princeton students initially greeted the news of a potential end to a decade of grade-deflation policies with celebration, but recently the campus has been downcast, thrown into depression by the creeping realization that,…

The 20 Worst Band Names

I Wish You Could Be More Like Your Brother It Doesn’t Need Stitches Turkmenistan You’re Not Responsible Enough for a Dog, Bart Bake for 14-16 Minutes or Until Golden Brown eisgruber@princeton.edu Please Stop,…

Illustration by RF '17.

Total Loser Calls Home Regularly

After just two weeks of college, sources confirm that total pansy Ryan Colter ’18 has already called his family twice to keep in touch and assure them that he is adapting reasonably well to college life.

The Princeton Tiger © 2017 All Rights Reserved

Mildly literate comedy since 1882

Designed by WPSHOWER

Powered by WordPress