"harvard" tag

Princeton’s Endowment is Huge

“I always saw ads on the internet that promised to make my applicant pool bigger and stronger, and I never believed them,” said Eisgruber. “But one day, I clicked, and, well—here we are.”

The Tiger’s Hymn

The Schools You Could Have Gone To (or, There’s Nothing Wrong With Ending a Title in a Preposition) You could have gone to Harvard And been a Crimson man. But what the fuck’s…

Princeton Defeats Harvard in Animal Abuse Match

In addition to football’s three-point victory over Columbia last week, Princeton managed to eke out another win against arch-rival Harvard in the annual Ivy League animal abuse tournament. The Tigers defeated the Crimson…

“Social Network” Inspires Dangerous New Fad

David Fincher, the director of the recent hit movie The Social Network, issued an official apology last Wednesday for inadvertently encouraging the public to punch Harvard students in the face. “I just didn’t…

Princeton Volunteers Dispense Hot Breakfasts to Deprived Harvard Students

The Harvard administration eliminated hot breakfasts for Harvard students due to budget cuts, and the situation was desperate. These kids needed an angel… and they got several. On Friday, November 6, The Princeton…

Doctor Faust, by Lawrence Summers

(Scene: Drew Gilpin Faust, a female, is reflecting in her study.) Faust: Damn it all! I have learned everything that my lowly female brain could possibly hold, and I am still unsatisfied… (to…

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