Posts Tagged ‘freshmen’

Nikita on the Street

I am a freshman. I am a female freshman. I am a brunette, female freshman. I am a brunette, female freshman, who does not have the extremely sexy advantage of having attended Catholic school. Needless to say, God has refused to help a sister out. However, I have been able to make do without those scanty...
October 12th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Advice For Freshmen

Hello, Freshman. It’s me, Senior. Yes, I can see you. I can see everything you are doing and everything you are thinking and everything you are eating and everywhere you are and everywhere you have been. I am judging you more than you think I am, and more often. I can see all your flaws, and...
September 25th, 2010 | Advice | Read More

The Tribe Files for Tax-Exempt Status

PRINCETON, NJ — An exclusive group of freshman girls who call themselves “The Tribe” filed a lawsuit this week against the federal government, demanding that the group be exempted from all sales taxes — in particular those levied during frequent spiritual journeys to J. Crew. The leader...
February 23rd, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Archeological Dig in Firestone Library Turns up New Human Ancestor

Late last night, archaeologists working overtime in the recently discovered fifth basement of Firestone Library uncovered the preserved remains of several Princeton students who they believe to date back hundreds of years.  Their report, released today, details the specifics of their find. “With this...
January 17th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More