"freshmen" tag

10 Places the University Could’ve Put the Extra Freshmen

As many of our readers may know, Princeton University over-enrolled in the freshman class and is scrambling to find places to put all of the extra students. Ever concerned with the welfare of the university, we here at the Tiger have put our heads together and come up with some suggestions for effective ways to deal with the problem.

Freshman Lost During Outdoor Action Returns

In what students are calling a miracle of human endurance, the freshman Greg Shifter has finally returned to campus a full semester after the rest of his Outdoor Action group. The newest member of…

Nikita on the Street

I am a freshman. I am a female freshman. I am a brunette, female freshman. I am a brunette, female freshman, who does not have the extremely sexy advantage of having attended Catholic…

Advice For Freshmen

Hello, Freshman. It’s me, Senior. Yes, I can see you. I can see everything you are doing and everything you are thinking and everything you are eating and everywhere you are and everywhere you have…

The Tribe Files for Tax-Exempt Status

PRINCETON, NJ — An exclusive group of freshman girls who call themselves “The Tribe” filed a lawsuit this week against the federal government, demanding that the group be exempted from all sales taxes…

Archeological Dig in Firestone Library Turns up New Human Ancestor

Late last night, archaeologists working overtime in the recently discovered fifth basement of Firestone Library uncovered the preserved remains of several Princeton students who they believe to date back hundreds of years.  Their…

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