"Freshman Issue 2015" tag

Spires and Gargoyles — The Best Damn Place of All

A message from the chairman: Welcome to Princeton! Welcome to the Orange Bubble! Welcome to “the best damn place of all” or so I was told last Reunions by a sixty-year old alumnus, who screamed that phrase…

British Flag

Differences Between UK and American English: A Primer

1. What we in the states call a “stout” or a “lager” will frequently be referred to by people in the UK as “breakfast,” and what we would call “beer”, they call “water.” 2. Words…


Rejected Senior Thesis Topics

• Ancient Aliens: The Origins of Eisgruber • Masturbation and Netflix: An Autobiography • That Secret Nazi Base in Antarctica: Fact or Fiction? • Sad Max: Dystopia and Depression • 2.5 Liters of My Own Spit, Collected over…


A Letter from the Chairman and CEO of ExxonMobil

Here at ExxonMobil,  we’re proud of the fact that we have 37 refineries in 21 countries around the world, and as a result we take our global citizenship very seriously. That’s why today, I’m proud to announce that…

Beach Boys Photo

Songs the Beach Boys Would Have Sung If They Were A Christian Rock Group

• “Baptized by Breakers” • “Jesus is the Only Surfboard I Need” • “The 11th Commandment: Stay Salty” • “God Put the ‘G’ in Gnarly” • “Bible Banzai!” • “Are There Beach Babes…


A Father from the 1950’s Trying to Explain Sex to His Son

Lights up on DAD. SON enters. DAD: Gosh, you really razzed my berries sneaking up on me like that. Whatcha you doing burning the midnight oil? SON: Hey dad I had a question I wanted…

Grandiose Jury

Grand Jury Hung on Shoplifter’s Indictment, Grandiose Jury to Intervene

After a Rhode Island Grand Jury was unable to decide whether to indict Peter Hamiss, 22, on charges of shoplifting, the state called upon an oft forgotten contingency in the justice system: the Grandiose Jury. At 12:14 P.M.,…


Myth vs. Math

Some useful distinctions to help prepare yourself for a math class at Princeton! Myth: You will learn how to prove interesting mathematical statements like “e^iπ+1=0”. Math: You will struggle to prove the most trivial mathematical…


Craigslist: Missed Connections

This is probably a long shot, since I’m not sure how much you remember from last night, but I’m putting this out there anyway. I was sitting in the third row of the crowd…


America’s Sexiest Currently Tenured Ivy League Presidents

Christina Paxson (Brown University) A young, spry, 55 year-old seductress, Christina Paxson was elected the 19th President of Brown University back in 2012. And ever since then, Brown’s balmy Rhode Island campus has…

The Princeton Tiger © 2017 All Rights Reserved

Mildly literate comedy since 1882

Designed by WPSHOWER

Powered by WordPress