Posts Tagged ‘football’

Bill Belichick: Super Bowl Loss “Part of the plan”

In a stunning press conference on Tuesday, New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick revealed that his team’s Super Bowl loss was all part of a larger scheme. “I don’t know how you guys didn’t realize it earlier,” said Belichick. “I set up everything to make the Patriots lose. A penalty...
February 9th, 2012 | Sports, Uncategorized | Read More

A Letter to the Defense

From the desk of Offense… Defense, Where do you get off? Special teams told me what you said about me. I’m a showoff? Is that so? Where do you get the nerve? I’m busy winning games over here. You think you’re so great because of that interception in the third quarter? That’s fine. Go...
November 22nd, 2011 | Sports | Read More

Ohio State Tattoo-Gate Violators Sentenced to Death

Columbus, OH — The five Ohio State players caught trading their own personal possessions for tattoos have been sentenced to the death penalty. The affected players include 2010 leading rusher Dan Herron, number one receiver DeVier Posey, All-Big Ten offensive tackle Mike Adams, defensive end Solomon...
September 14th, 2011 | Sports | Read More

NFL “Sickened” By Harrison Tackle; Considers Execution

NEW YORK — Last Sunday, Pittsburgh outside linebacker James Harrison viciously tackled two members of the Cleveland Browns, causing them to fall to the ground and preventing them from completing the play they had presumably discussed in the huddle.  Characteristically, NFL Commissioner Roger...
October 25th, 2010 | Sports | Read More

Future Of Princeton Football Uncertain After DeVry Loss

Following an 85-0 loss to the DeVry University “Fightin’ Stenographers,” the termination of Princeton University’s football program is being discussed as a budget-cutting measure, according to University president Shirley Tilghman. “It really seems like the logical next step for the program....
October 18th, 2009 | Princeton | Read More