"CJS16" tag

Spires & Gargoyles – Valentine’s Day 2015

Morning comes and you wake up in a cold sweat. A glance at the calendar and your worst suspicions are confirmed. February 14th is one day closer. Time has done what it always…


12 Times John Goodman Made Us The Thirstiest in 2014

1. 2014 was a truly #thirsty year for #teamJG with human salt-lick John Goodman making more red carpet appearances than ever before. 2. We’re guessing this Big Lebowski star has a Big LeWOWski…


10 Things I Hate About You

Your tentacles The way you say “library” How much you like kale The suction cup marks on my lower back How you were embarrassed to introduce me to your parents The fact that your…

Student Refers to Dorm Where She Ceaselessly Questions Self-Worth as “Home Away From Home”

Late last night Joanna Mendelson ’17 led her younger brother and sister into the very dorm room where she routinely questions her own abilities and self-worth. Setting the tone for her family’s two-day…


Cloud Gazing

— CJS ’16

Student Hopes Bridge Year Will Turn Him Into Hookup Machine

Arnold Severus, a moneyed and self-assured male student, has made the decision to apply to Princeton University’s Bridge Year Program, citing hopes that the exotic opportunity will turn him into a “total hookup…


Eco-Friendly Alternatives to Children

When deciding whether or not to have a baby, it’s important to consider that human beings are the environment’s greatest threat. Every exhalation is a bullet in the wheel of Mother Nature’s motorcade. Before you try conceiving, remember that there are other, environmentally conscious options.


Student Compares Freshman Math Exam to Act of Profound Human Slaughter

Barry Saunders, a prospective Woody Woo concentrator, who has been taking the introductory mathematics class P/D/F since the first week, vehemently expressed his disapproval for the challenging material presented on this week’s assessment, alleging that sitting through the two hour examination inspired the emotions associated with being a victim of mass murder.


Quad Invents Eighth Day, Hundreds Disappear

Charter had Fridays. Cottage had Sundays. And even Tower had something. But one club stood among the rest without a day to its name. Quad. The humiliation was staggering. That’s when Quadrangle Club engineers came up with a novel solution. They would invent a new day. An eighth day. “Quad Day.”

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