"AZ16" tag

Sixty Nine

I like my sex big and 69,000 is as big as it gets.


10 Things I Hate About You

Your tentacles The way you say “library” How much you like kale The suction cup marks on my lower back How you were embarrassed to introduce me to your parents The fact that your…


Timeline of a Bro’s Date

4:30 pm Decided to take my girl to Olive Garden after I thought about last time I went there with my bro Mike. We only ordered breadsticks and Dos Equis. It was savage. 4:35 pm Got…


Looking for Love

Single and looking to mingle, but have no idea where to start? Sick of trying to meaningfully converse with drunk people while equally intoxicated? Here’s a handy guide to snagging yourself a significant other in situations where you…


The Lost Manuscripts of Chet Slaterton, 19th Century British Fraternity Brother

Our Mutual Friend ‘Twas the fourteenth of July, a beautiful day with the sky blue as a robin’s egg and nary a cloud to be seen for miles in any direction. My dearest friend Randy—O,…


Student Follows Tour Group, Discovers Princeton Is Located in Downtown Shanghai

When Angela Sherman ’16 decided to tail a group of tourists as they left the Princeton University campus, she thought she would watch them ask around for a place to eat, end up…


The 8 Ways to Get Home for Winter Break

Via car, with your parents Stare broodingly out the window while your mom aggressively interrogates you on your romantic prospects. Pray for the sweet embrace of death. Via car, with someone you randomly…


Voluntourism Halts Strife, Poverty, Disease

According to a new report from the World Bank, billions of dollars in international development cannot compare to the desire of young, white, prospective Woodrow Wilson School concentrators to change the world.

Illustrated by AZ '16

How to Exaggerate Your Summer (A Primer)

You got a job and networked like you were born for it, but at the end of the day you wonder whether you regret ending your childhood at the tender age of twenty, and you’re desperate to preserve the charade that you’re an at least halfway interesting human being.

Illustrated by AZ '16

How to Successfully Embezzle Money from Your Student Group

By Tim Matchen, Chairman Emeritus Let me start with a disclaimer: I have never, ever embezzled money from The Princeton Tiger (though I make no similar claims about my interactions with The Daily Princetonian)—but…

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