Alejandro de la Garza ‘s (Chairman) defining moment came as he raised his Interplanetary Missile Launcher. “Goodnight Moon,” he chuckled to himself, initiating the targeting sequence. As soon as the projectile’s antimatter core hit the Moon’s surface, it would implode, destroying any trace of the pesky lunar mass. With the Moon gone, the Earth’s weather patterns would be drastically altered, eliminating summer vacation forever.“Not so fast, Professor D!” Alejandro turned in shock. It was the Tree House Team, a group of scrappy tweens out to make friends and save the world.“What? Impossible!” he cried.“The jig’s up, Professor”, proclaimed Dennis, one of the kid-detectives. “You’ll never stop summer vacation while the Tree House Team is on the case.” “Rats, foiled again,” cursed Alejandro. He dropped the missile launcher and sprinted into the gathering darkness. “I’ll be back!” He cried, “You’ll all see!”Perhaps one day he would finally find a way to defeat the Tree House Team. But, for now, he was as he had always been—a sick, broken man. For he knew that even with all his evil genius, he was no match for the power of friendship.
Ana DeJesus (Editor-in-Chief) started writing her bio when she stumbled across this publication three years ago. To date, she has not written one that she likes. This is a source of shame for her. You can follow her on twitter @FakeAnaDeJesus
Charlie Spira (Managing Editor) One time when I was five years old I found a banana slug next to my house moving toward the bushes. For ten minutes, I watched it, its eyestalks sensing its environment, seemingly independently of its body. I watched it secrete the mucus layer on which it travelled. A truly marvelous invertebrate, I thought, completely unlike any other organism I had ever seen. I unscrewed the cap of the saltshaker beside me and, despite having heard that I should never do so, I emptied its contents onto the slug. The slug writhed and contorted the length of its body. Its previously perfect skin began to pop and hiss as it turned crispy, from a bright yellow to a golden brown. In that slug I saw myself. As I watched it die, I felt the sting of the salt on my back, all the moisture in my body osmosing through my skin. I fell to the ground in pain, and I saw in the bushes what I could only assume was its slug family. We lay dying together on the moss for what seemed like an eternity. In retrospect I realized I learned something valuable that day. The ability to know something, to really become acquainted with it, to love and even name it, and then dispassionately let it go to become closer to death, would prove useful throughout my life. Anyway, so that’s how I got into comedy.
Kyra Gregory(Art Director) Hailing from RVA, known to dweebs as “Richmond, Virginia,” Kyra Gregory spent most of her youth eating strange objects and pretending to be a horse. Recently, she discovered that not every child goes through the “pulling the heads off of Barbies and drawing faces on the tiny nub that’s supposed to hold the head on” phase. She possesses an undying love for deer (etc.), rainy days, quesadillas, and crying in public places. After forming a spiritual connection with a magnolia tree, she now believes that all trees are conscious and have feelings and if you have logical evidence against that she doesn’t want to hear it.
Taylor Jones(Business Manager) Unlike many members of the masthead who joined TigerMag out of a passion for comedy, Taylor Jones attended his first meeting solely in an attempt to hangout with the girl he had a crush on. One thing led to another and now he finds himself occupying the most powerful position in the entire organization – though current chairman, Alex de la Garza, may beg to differ. In his free time, Taylor enjoys making elaborate spreadsheets, cooking up pyramid schemes and going on dates with that girl he had a crush on.
Lauren Howard (Editor)
Marti Hale (Layout Editor) RECKLESS REDHEAD is a ginger and cannot decide if she wants to embrace this identity or not. Is also a single mother of two (Alfonso and Rita) and is desperately trying to prove to them that she’s still relevant by hosting semi well attended neighborhood ravers. Searching for a tall, mysterious man to whisk her away and show her a wild time. At least that’s what the children will be told to maintain appearances. Actually seeking a somewhat nerdy Jewish man who enjoys traditional aboriginal music, collects license plate keychains, is a canasta fanatic, and occasionally eats Fage pomegranate yogurt when he’s looking for adventure.
Jordan Salama(Editor) comes from the small town of Pelham, New York, a quiet suburb of New York City which was, for understandable reasons, never mentioned in the Denzel Washington classic The Taking of Pelham 123. Jordan is a pretty simple guy; while writing this, he is enjoying plain “small shells” pasta with heavy amounts of salt (his favorite food), and watching Mrs. Doubtfire (his favorite movie). In the jungle, he has won screaming matches with howler monkeys and lost biting matches with mosquitos. He has also learned to never begin sentences about himself with “In the jungle…” because it makes him seem like a weirdo. Fun Fact: When he was five years old, Jordan was apprehended by security guards at the Museum of Modern Art for sitting in a very comfortable chair known to others as “a masterpiece.”
Max Feldman(Editor) has devoted the past nine years of his life to his ever-growing interest in the 2008 science fiction film Jumper. When he’s not watching the film, you can usually find him talking about it, hosting one of his bi-monthly Jumper appreciation meetings, or frantically shouting the phrase “despite receiving mostly negative reviews from contemporary critics, the 2008 film Jumper will someday be recognized as an oft-overlooked triumph of cinema” at passersby. Max has invited anyone who has an opinion about the 2008 science fiction film Jumper to send an email to HereComeMyThoughtsAboutThe2008FilmJumperWhichIsAnOftOverlookedTriumphOfCinema@hotmail.com. Jumper stars Hayden Christensen and Samuel L. Jackson and is based on a novel by Steven Gould.
Ben Clarke(Editor) Likes: The inimitable feeling of humanity one experiences as they see a newborn child smile, genuinely appreciative of the fruits of life and wanting for nothing but company with whom to share the gifts with which we’ve been divinely blessed; A nice big rack. Dislikes: The systematic oppression of endangered peoples; The rigged capitalistic system to which we’re forever subservient; Talking at meeting.
Shanon FitzGerald(Assistant Business Manager) feels less pressure to write a funny bio because he is a boring old businessman. His personal interests include corporate mergers, TPS reports, collateralized debt obligations, and trying to financialize the hell out of the American economy. When he’s not plotting the next #marketmeltdown, you will probably find Shanon polishing his Goldman application or watching Bloomberg Markets at Daybreak: Asia Edition. Before joining the top 1% at their Great Palace in the sky, Shanon hopes to make Tiger Magazine Great Again—or at least worth embezzling from.
Maia Hamin (Editor)
Jamie Mercurio(Web Editor) may not be a content writer for the magazine, but he can still be funny when he wants to be, alright? Back off. Conceived and raised in a 98% Caucasian village near Buffalo, NY in 1998, Jamie struggled with his ethnic identity for 17 years before deciding that he must be part Martian – so he decided to attend Princeton University, where he felt he might fit in. Fast forward ten years, and he still hasn’t graduated – but that’s not stopping him! He’s applied to (and been rejected by) the CIA every single year. Although distracted by his WWII flashbacks, Jamie still attends TigerMag meetings, occasionally shouting “Where’s Ryan’s Privates?!” and threatening those around him. In his free time outside of the magazine, you can find Jamie taking a crack at unsolvable chalkboard equations, mopping the hallways outside of classrooms, and being Matt Damon.