Staff

  • StonesiferWhen his parents told him he could be anything, Connor Stonesifer (Chairman) responded that he would prefer to remain “The Lizard King”. It was at this moment that his parents realized the soul-infusion had been a success. As moderately enthusiastic Doors fans, it was only natural that they tender their second born as an offering to Jim Morrison’s vagrant spirit. Though the Necronomicon demanded the husk of a female virgin, looking at their wrinkled, freshly birthed son in their arms, they laughed “What’s the difference!” Now, despite what you may think, acting as a husk for Jim Morrison’s soul isn’t always easy. Sometimes Jim wants things that I don’t. Like lethal levels of oxycodone. Or rocky road. And when we’re not rehearsing “Roadhouse Blues” or snorting lines of thought-coke, he makes me search for the sacrifice will make him whole again. But, as he was in life so he is in death. Hence when’s he’s comatose, I get a little “me” time. That’s when I edit for Tiger.
  • GollinMax Gollin (Editor-in-Chief) has been described as many things: a visionary, an inspiration, a god amongst men, an egotist, a pathological liar, and a guy who is not very good at writing bios. When he was 6 years old, his parents offered him the choice between being a multibillionaire and a person who does things for a college humor magazine. He said “what does that mean?” and was then held back in school for several years. In his spare time, Max collects small-to-mid-sized animals and competes in underground rap battles as his alter-ego, M.C. ReesezPiecez. You can follow him on twitter @Maxwelliswell.
  • KevinAlexandro Strauss (Editor-in-Chief) [photo unverifiable], in his desire to one-up every other ridiculous origin story on this page, conspired to have himself be simultaneously born atop the Acropolis in 174 B.C.E. as an omen of the impending fall of Sparta; in Sao Paulo, Brazil, on the night before the 1958, 1962, 1970, 1994, and 2002 World Cup finals; on the slopes of Iztaccihuatl just as the Aztec empire crumbled under the stress of having to pronounce names like Iztaccihuatl on a daily basis; and to a pair of young astrophysicists in 1993-era Princeton, New Jersey. As both cause and by-product of this endeavor, he views time less as a march down a straight path and more as a waltz-like peregrination across a non-orientable manifold. There are drawbacks to this—for instance, he is incapable of outgrowing his own childish nature, meaning he still likes things like Thomas the Tank Engine and writing for Tiger. Of course, anyone who thinks that this is a problem is a fool whose last lingering embers of humanity cooled long ago.
  • 11071116_10206493590163010_718115738251920478_oDan Caprera (Managing Editor) once climbed a beautiful, weathered maple tree. And when he reached the top, casually brushing the twigs out of his tousled umber hair, he looked out at a world that extended in every direction, sloping gradually into an unfathomable infinity. And as he stared off into the distance he started to question the very purpose behind his small, fleeting existence. With blossoming azure tears in his eyes, he whispered softly to himself: “maybe there’s more to life than searching for dat sweet, sweet booty.” Sighing, he stared plaintively into the distance and, after a lengthy pause that extended for seconds and centuries, he decided that, no, he was completely wrong. The booty was great… The booty was everything.
  • AngelaAngela Zhou (Art Director) was born in Babylon – Long Island, that is, and likes to leave the story there because nothing much happens after that. She grew up in suburban New Jersey, fighting off the territorial deer and the occasional wandering bear. She now whiles away the days trying, and succeeding, to bring campus squirrels to tears with her origin story.
  • RyanRyan O’Shea (Circulation Manager) was abandoned in a basket in the Tiber way back in the day, was found by some wolves, and grew up with Romulus & Remus. After a few centuries, a lot of limoncello, and that whole ‘Empire’ thing, he moved to a suburb of Philadelphia known for “that huge mall.” He spent his younger years wooing women, being a total boss at kickball, and being “that kid with a website.” Now, he’s studying engineering looking-down-on-people at “a small school in New Jersey,” with a certificate in nunchuck skills. His main goal in life is to break expectations, especially that conformist most-likely-to-succeed label he got in high school. His twitter is @ryancoshea.
  • EvanEvan King (Editor) is honestly not a huge fan of long walks on the beach.
  • EricJoe Sheehan (Editor) Joe Sheehan is an editor.
  • GilGil Walzer (Editor) Gil was raised in the jungles of Boise, Idaho by a pack of feral accountants. Once known as the “Fastest Pun in the West,” after losing three consecutive duels with the county sheriff, he decided to pack up his remaining limbs and pursue a career as a harpist in an avant-garde progressive jazzcore ensemble. When the glamour finally wore off, Gil realized his calling: writing for the second funniest campus publication after the Daily Princetonian. He can be tweeted at.

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