Chairman – Jim Valcourt

Jim only started writing for the Tiger to work off the debts from his crippling addiction to chartreuse eye shadow. This strategy is marginally ineffective, since his position is unpaid. He originally worked as a spy, but his budding career at MI6 was cut short by a tragic case of restless leg syndrome. Jim spends his free time moonlighting as a psychotherapy test subject, sharpening his crowbar for the impending zombie apocalypse, and writing the “Alluring Lures” filler column for Bass Fisherman’s Quarterly.

Contact: jim@tigermag.com

President – Tim Matchen

Tim was born on the same day as Suleiman the Magnificent of the Ottoman Empire, which he is pretty sure is the only reason his parents consistently remember his birthday.  In the

succeeding 18 years, he became the most feared pool shark on the eastern seaboard, beating such notable people you’ve never heard of as Allen Hopkins, Earl Strickland, and Stephen Hendry.  He gained admission to Princeton University after beating President Tilghman and Dean Rapelye in a high-stakes game of Jenga.  Tim is the keeper of the lists, and freaks out if actual attendance at social gatherings exceeds initial estimates.

Contact: tim@tigermag.com

Executive Editor – Rodrigo Menezes

Rodrigo’s writing has been heralded by the New York Times as “obscene[ly]” funny and by the London Times as “terribl[y]” thought provoking. The New York Book Review considered his works “just plain awful[ly]” hilarious and Rodrigo has been known to describe his own work as “a toast to the grand institution of satire writing.” Various critics and authorities on and off campus have described his pieces in The Tiger as “offensive.” Rodrigo is certain that they mean this in an avant-garde sort of way. When not writing for Tiger under pseudonyms (which may or may not be related to Fox-sitcom Arrested Development), he can be found contributing to affirmative action quotas in other groups on campus.

Contact: rodrigo@tigermag.com

Editor-in-Chief – Dan Abromowitz

Dan has got so much game, he poops dice. He’s so fly, it’s like that Jeff Goldblum movie, The Fly, but every day. He parties so hard that the time he isn’t spending partying he spends in court, appealing the noise complaints he’s received. He has got so much bling, his nickname is Bling Crosby. He is so confident, people generally respond to him positively, but he is not confident enough that they are put off by him, because he is also so socially conscious. He’s got so much swagger that people are like, “Damn.” He has titanium bones and eats rocks for breakfast, and you can take that to the bank.  He also reviews movie trailers.

Contact: dan@tigermag.com

Executive Editor – Stephen Stolzenberg

von Germanberg was engineered as part of a secret East German military project bent on creating the ultimate Olympic Scrabble team. With the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, his parents escaped to America with Stephen still inside his mother’s womb. Stephen never saw the point in playing Scrabble competitively, because the English version is far easier to play than the German (in English Scrabble each player receives 7 letter tiles. In German, each player receives 50). He has instead devoted his loosely associative mind to such important pursuits as writing articles for the Tiger and executing pyramid schemes. Click here to see Stephen prove that Tiger beats Lion.

Managing Editor- Alex Judge

Alex Judge, born and raised in the great state of North Dakota (pronounced you-tah), wishes dearly that he could join the British Army, but unfortunately is ineligible owing to the detached retinas he received as a child after being convinced to try to face his biggest fear and ride in a Hot Air Balloon. Alex must console himself with membership in the Territorial Army instead, but had been thrown out of the TA because he stole a chieftain tank and tried to invade Paris. He would have succeeded, too, had he not stopped at Euro Disney and been apprehended on Space Mountain. Despite his badassery, Alex is a sweet and caring individual and enjoys baking and hugs, though he still spends most of his time on manlier pursuits such as shooting things, eating meat, chest-bumping, and Top Chef.

Art Director- Katie Rose

Katie joined Tiger because of a misunderstanding of the principle of osmosis. She stuck around anyway partly because she still has delusions of being able to absorb funny from others, and partly because she has nothing else to do. Everyone else tolerates her because she’s strangely willing to spend her time awkwardly photoshopping things together. In her free time, she likes to painstakingly edit Wikipedia pages to addterrible puns, watch horrible animated kids movies “to laugh at”, and drop subtle references in the hopes of finding new friends.

Layout Director- Pavithra Vijayakumar

Pavithra grew up on a farm in Hull in the 1920s, which was where her parents, having been imported from India to help the Smythes could win their local roast chicken recipe competition, worked as neurosurgeons. Then, one day, she saw a bizarrely anachronistic stone statue of an angel in the middle of her favorite wheat field, blinked, and found herself in Westchester, NY, year 2010, facing a poster of Lady Gaga in a meat dress. Assuming this was the garb of this new era, she slaughtered some cows, got arrested, and was institutionalized. She’s fine now except for a minor Gollum-Smeagol moment when half of her scorned Mitt Romney’s out-of-touchness while the other half refused to see reason on account of he would make a very pretty president.

 Operations Chair- Andrew Sondern

After a promising career as a secret service sniper was cut short by Parkinson’s Disease, Andrew turned to wine coolers and spent his days repeatedly reenacting the music video to “Stacy’s Mom.” Four weeks and over 60 counts of public masturbation later, Andrew awoke from his nearly month-long blackout in a trash bag in the converted taproom of the Carl A. Fields Center for Equality and Cultural Understanding. While leaving the center, Sondern heard faint murmurs of the glorious Tiger Magazine and realized he had to be a part of this fraternity of athletic, ripped, and mustachioed people.

Tech Chair- Jacob Simon

Jacob was born on May 15, 1861, shortly before his home state of North Carolina became the last to almost not secede from the Union. In an attempt to escape the repercussions of the War, the six-day-old prodigy engineered a time machine and traveled to the year 1992, where he was adopted into a half-Jewish household. It was by this great fortune that Jacob honed his skills of self-loathing and loneliness, proficiencies he continues to demonstrate at Tiger Magazine as the “Tech Chair.” In recent months, a latent complication of time travel has caused all of Jacob’s work to slip into the future and Super Smash Bros. to emerge from the past.

He has also recently been described as a hipster, which has less to do with time travel than with his growing collection of v-necks.

 Editor- Matt Gwin

Born a poor coalminer’s daughter, Matt raised himself out of poverty through the stock market, buying and selling toothpick futures. He later made a name for himself on the underground Bog Snorkeling circuit, before an ear infection forced him to hang up the goggles. After a brief acting career under the name Newd Gingrich, he retired young  to enjoy the quiet life. He poured most of his toothpick fortune into his charitable foundation Staplers for Tots, saving just enough to purchase a spot on TigerMag’s Staff & Contributors page.

Editor- Kyle Oneil

When Kyle was younger he bit people, pulled hair and ran around naked whenever he wasn’t dressed to kill. College has been making Kyle feel old so he decided to join Tiger Magazine to keep to keep his inner child alive. This way if he ever decides to pick up any of these old habits, he can just tell people they were part of a highly organized and well thought out prank, the details of which are beyond top secret. Luckily, Kyle is on the path to recovery and has not committed a childish act for three whole days.

Unofficial Co-Chairman and Official Tiger Mom – Myra Gupta

Myra was “Made in Japan,” as her parents often awkwardly remind her at inopportune moments, the angst from which has fueled many a comic endeavor and her participation in the illustrious (and illustrated!) Tiger Magazine. She likes puns and robots, but not put together. Her major contribution to Tiger is adding more gender/ethnic diversity than Jim’s android-gynous biweekly mani-pedi, and the accompanying tax breaks don’t hurt. Myra is also Tiger’s foreign correspondent (read: spy. I mean no, wait, crap), scouring the corners of the globe for more material with which to make fun of politics, culture, daytime soap operas, knitting patterns, and Jim. But really, she’s not a spy.

Contact: myra@tigermag.com

Social Chair and Editor – Abby Williams

Abby was born to Ernie and Flo Keebler of the Keebler Elf Dynasty. However, she was unceremoniously kicked out of the Hollow Tree after exceeding the height limit of three and a half inches. Abby was adopted by Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger, who inspired her profound interest in photography. Abby’s favorite television shows are Zoey 101 and Teen Mom. Because she has no comprehension of irony, she does not understand why this is funny. Abby joined Tiger with the sole intention of finding a way to reference her boobs in every article. This counts.

Editor/Writer – Dennard Dayle

Despite being declared legally insane in the late nineties, Dennard developed minor delusions of literary skill and major delusions of being funny. While evading mental health authorities, he nails articles to the door of the Tiger Magazine Office despite the best efforts of campus security. If sighted, please send a report to the Nurse Ratched Home for Slicin’ and Shockin’. May or may not be rabid. According to this picture, Dennard is also either an evil genius or a guest at one of P Diddy’s white parties…or both.

Writer – Matthew Solis

The year is 2354. The world is facing extreme overpopulation due to advances in anti-aging medicine essentially making “natural” no longer a cause of death. The collapse of humanity is eminent. Dos Equis’s Most Interesting Man in the World and the Old Spice Guy have a gay-marriage: their love-child is Matthew Solis. Understanding his great potential, they send him back in time, to the year 1992 with the hope that one day he may be able to save humanity… from itself.

Writer – Alex Moss

Alex Moss, a devout Irish Catholic and mild-mannered family man, was serving with the Detroit Police Department when its funding and administration was taken over by the private corporation Omni Consumer Products. When a run-in with a local crime lord proved deadly for Moss, the company’s technicians used what was left of his face and portions of his cerebrum and cerebellum and applied them to a robot body. Tired of the brutality of police life, a resurrected Moss immediately retired from the force and began writing sort of funny articles for Princeton University’s humor magazine.