Chairman – Jim Valcourt

Jim only started writing for the Tiger to work off the debts from his crippling addiction to chartreuse eye shadow. This strategy is marginally ineffective, since his position is unpaid. He originally worked as a spy, but his budding career at MI6 was cut short by a tragic case of restless leg syndrome. Jim spends his free time moonlighting as a psychotherapy test subject, sharpening his crowbar for the impending zombie apocalypse, and writing the “Alluring Lures” filler column for Bass Fisherman’s Quarterly.

Contact: jim@tigermag.com

President – Rodrigo Menezes

Rodrigo’s writing has been heralded by the New York Times as “obscene[ly]” funny and by the London Times as “terribl[y]” thought provoking. The New York Book Review considered his works “just plain awful[ly]” hilarious and Rodrigo has been known to describe his own work as “a toast to the grand institution of satire writing.” Various critics and authorities on and off campus have described his pieces in The Tiger as “offensive.” Rodrigo is certain that they mean this in an avant-garde sort of way. When not writing for Tiger under pseudonyms (which may or may not be related to Fox-sitcom Arrested Development), he can be found contributing to affirmative action quotas in other groups on campus.

Contact: rodrigo@tigermag.com

Editor-in-Chief – Dan Abromowitz

Dan has got so much game, he poops dice. He’s so fly, it’s like that Jeff Goldblum movie, The Fly, but every day. He parties so hard that the time he isn’t spending partying he spends in court, appealing the noise complaints he’s received. He has got so much bling, his nickname is Bling Crosby. He is so confident, people generally respond to him positively, but he is not confident enough that they are put off by him, because he is also so socially conscious. He’s got so much swagger that people are like, “Damn.” He has titanium bones and eats rocks for breakfast, and you can take that to the bank.  He also reviews movie trailers.

Contact: dan@tigermag.com

Managing Editor – Stephen Stolzenberg

von Germanberg was engineered as part of a secret East German military project bent on creating the ultimate Olympic Scrabble team. With the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, his parents escaped to America with Stephen still inside his mother’s womb. Stephen never saw the point in playing Scrabble competitively, because the English version is far easier to play than the German (in English Scrabble each player receives 7 letter tiles. In German, each player receives 50). He has instead devoted his loosely associative mind to such important pursuits as writing articles for the Tiger and executing pyramid schemes. Click here to see Stephen prove that Tiger beats Lion.

Chief Operating Officer – Tim Matchen

Tim was born on the same day as Suleiman the Magnificent of the Ottoman Empire, which he is pretty sure is the only reason his parents consistently remember his birthday.  In the succeeding 18 years, he became the most feared pool shark on the eastern seaboard, beating such notable people you’ve never heard of as Allen Hopkins, Earl Strickland, and Stephen Hendry.  He gained admission to Princeton University after beating President Tilghman and Dean Rapelye in a high-stakes game of Jenga.  Tim is the keeper of the lists, and freaks out if actual attendance at social gatherings exceeds initial estimates.

Contact: tim@tigermag.com

Unofficial Co-Chairman and Official Tiger Mom – Myra Gupta

Myra was “Made in Japan,” as her parents often awkwardly remind her at inopportune moments, the angst from which has fueled many a comic endeavor and her participation in the illustrious (and illustrated!) Tiger Magazine. She likes puns and robots, but not put together. Her major contribution to Tiger is adding more gender/ethnic diversity than Jim’s android-gynous biweekly mani-pedi, and the accompanying tax breaks don’t hurt. Myra is also Tiger’s foreign correspondent (read: spy. I mean no, wait, crap), scouring the corners of the globe for more material with which to make fun of politics, culture, daytime soap operas, knitting patterns, and Jim. But really, she’s not a spy.

Contact: myra@tigermag.com

Social Chair and Editor – Abby Williams

Abby was born to Ernie and Flo Keebler of the Keebler Elf Dynasty. However, she was unceremoniously kicked out of the Hollow Tree after exceeding the height limit of three and a half inches. Abby was adopted by Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger, who inspired her profound interest in photography. Abby’s favorite television shows are Zoey 101 and Teen Mom. Because she has no comprehension of irony, she does not understand why this is funny. Abby joined Tiger with the sole intention of finding a way to reference her boobs in every article. This counts.

Editor/Writer – Dennard Dayle

Despite being declared legally insane in the late nineties, Dennard developed minor delusions of literary skill and major delusions of being funny. While evading mental health authorities, he nails articles to the door of the Tiger Magazine Office despite the best efforts of campus security. If sighted, please send a report to the Nurse Ratched Home for Slicin’ and Shockin’. May or may not be rabid. According to this picture, Dennard is also either an evil genius or a guest at one of P Diddy’s white parties…or both.

Writer – Matthew Solis

The year is 2354. The world is facing extreme overpopulation due to advances in anti-aging medicine essentially making “natural” no longer a cause of death. The collapse of humanity is eminent. Dos Equis’s Most Interesting Man in the World and the Old Spice Guy have a gay-marriage: their love-child is Matthew Solis. Understanding his great potential, they send him back in time, to the year 1992 with the hope that one day he may be able to save humanity… from itself.

Writer – James Clark

James grew up with the dream of becoming the greatest Disney villain of all time.  In pursuit of this august title, he spent several years undergoing intensive voice training so that he would be able to put all the other villain songs to shame, even the likes of “Be Prepared” and “Hellfire.”  His aspirations, sadly, were rather dashed by the fact that he insisted on singing about how he was going to plunge the world into a state of grammatical correctness and proper spelling.  Devastated by his rejection, he has now taken a writing position at Tiger Magazine to recover while he plots his next move.  His exceedingly sketchy consistency in submitting material is thought to be due to his marked preoccupation with staging a grand comeback and claiming the title once and for all.

Writer – Alex Moss

Alex Moss, a devout Irish Catholic and mild-mannered family man, was serving with the Detroit Police Department when its funding and administration was taken over by the private corporation Omni Consumer Products. When a run-in with a local crime lord proved deadly for Moss, the company’s technicians used what was left of his face and portions of his cerebrum and cerebellum and applied them to a robot body. Tired of the brutality of police life, a resurrected Moss immediately retired from the force and began writing sort of funny articles for Princeton University’s humor magazine.

Writer- Allen Paltrow-Krulwich

Allen Paltrow-Krulwich, known to his two moms as “their special little guy,” though he prefers “man of the house”, joined the staff of the Tiger his freshman year in the hopes that if left unattended in the conference room, he could steal a desk chair. In his spare time, Allen solves Capchas and other human tests for Russian spammers and internet porn sites. Allen’s twitter account @AllenPaltrow recently became the first to reach 500 tweets with zero followers in 2010. He also pursues amateur nude moeling under the pseudonym salami nipples, which due to gland issues is, in fact, anatomically accurate.

Writer- Alex Judge

Alex Judge, born and raised in the great state of North Dakota (pronounced you-tah), wishes dearly that he could join the British Army, but unfortunately is ineligible owing to the detached retinas he received as a child after being convinced to try to face his biggest fear and ride in a Hot Air Balloon. Alex must console himself with membership in the Territorial Army instead, but had been thrown out of the TA because he stole a chieftain tank and tried to invade Paris. He would have succeeded, too, had he not stopped at Euro Disney and been apprehended on Space Mountain. Despite his badassery, Alex is a sweet and caring individual and enjoys baking and hugs, though he still spends most of his time on manlier pursuits such as shooting things, eating meat, chest-bumping, and Top Chef.