Archive for the ‘Princeton’ Category

Tiger Career Options

Each month, Tiger Magazine brings you an exclusive real-world perspective on an exciting career opportunity that could be waiting for you after graduation. This month’s guest SERIAL MURDERER Alan Butler Davies Princeton Tiger: Well, to start off, I’d like to thank you, Mr. Davies, for taking...
February 15th, 2007 | Princeton | Read More

The Freshman Guide to Spring Semester

How did you spend your freshman fall? A lucky few, that handful of the bright and the motivated (and lame), have managed to juggle your classes and plethora of activities. The rest of you stopped going to lecture for one or more classes the third week of school? Think Firestone is a tire? Have at least...
February 15th, 2007 | Princeton | Read More

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover…. 99 Ways to Die

… actually, you don’t have a lover, do you? So let’s just skip directly to the “99 Ways to Die” part. Admit it, it’s Valentine’s Day and seeing all those happy couples enjoying a holiday created by greeting card companies makes you sick. Better to just end it...
February 15th, 2007 | Princeton | Read More

Snapshots of Princeton – February 2007

The real cause of the North Side power failure. “But I’m a fucking wizard!” “Excuse me, I seem to be missing an owl…” Georgilocks and the Three Middle Eastern Nations
February 15th, 2007 | Snapshots | Read More

Colonial’s Defense Letter

Dear Tiger, I can only assume that you are going to mock Colonial’s recent “moloid reclam ation” and must preemptively express my distaste for your methods. This flagrant attempt by the mole people to steal Colonial from its rightful owners is appalling; we rightfully purchased the...
February 15th, 2007 | Princeton | Read More

Harry Potter’s Acceptance Letter

Wotcher! We are pleased to offer you admission to Princeton University’s class of 2011. As we detail a few of the most significant University policies, we ask that you please refrain from allowing any of these formalities from diminishing your unbridled, and frankly, a little over-enthusiastic,...
February 15th, 2007 | Princeton | Read More

How to Make Fun of Jian Li and Not Offend Billions of Asians (Really, Billions)

We’re taught to ignore differences and assume everyone is equal… or acknowledge differences and celebrate them but everyone is equal… or is it that you can make fun of a race if you’re part of it…or not the Holocaust but the Russian gulag…or it’s women who you...
February 15th, 2007 | Princeton | Read More

Adam and Eve to be Awarded Honorary Degrees

The Trustee Committee on Honorary Degrees has recently announced that it intends to honor this remarkable pair in what one spokesman described as “long overdue recognition.” The degrees, which are normally given out as part of commencement ceremonies, will instead be a part of the upcoming...
February 15th, 2007 | Princeton | Read More

The Story of Snow White `09

…Continued from Tiger’s November 2006 issue After the failure of her plan to dispose of Snow White `09 with an enchanted halogen lamp, Snow White `09′s evil step-roommate slipped into a brooding depression. Like every evil queen who lands in the Ivy League, she had been coddled and...
January 15th, 2007 | Princeton | Read More

The Story of Snow White ’09

…Continued from Tiger’s September 2006 issue The appointed day arrived for Snow White ’09 to return to her suite in the Kingdom of Wilson. While the evil queen looked on with a (classic) evil smirk, Snow White ’09 strolled into the room nonchalantly and introduced herself to her...
November 15th, 2006 | Princeton | Read More