Archive for the ‘Princeton’ Category

UNCOVERED: Outdoor Action Developed as Quasi-Military Training for Frosh

An undated photo of Staff Sergeant Curtis and a freshman who appeared on campus rather worse for wear. Upon the return of the intrepid members of the Class of 2014 who emerged from their respective wilderness adventure (myself included), documents from the early 1970s have been leaked that reveal...
October 19th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Ralph Nader ‘55 to Run for Freshman Class President

BREAKING NEWS: Perennial candidate Ralph Nader has reportedly just filed paperwork to run for freshman class president. “Normally when I run for president, I just get about 1% of the vote,” said Nader, “But there’s so many people running, 1% might be enough.” With his announcement, this becomes...
October 13th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Nikita on the Street

I am a freshman. I am a female freshman. I am a brunette, female freshman. I am a brunette, female freshman, who does not have the extremely sexy advantage of having attended Catholic school. Needless to say, God has refused to help a sister out. However, I have been able to make do without those scanty...
October 12th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

University Denies Application for Proposed Squirrel Hunting Club

The Office of the Dean of Undergraduate Students announced yesterday that a petition to create the proposed Squirrel Hunting Club had been denied. The review, which lasted longer than two hours (but “felt like five,” according to insider sources), was allegedly “considerate,” and “gave...
October 11th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Cereal Mascots Vie To Replace Dean Malkiel

With Dean Malkiel leaving Princeton, our great university has to find someone to fill that gap. What we need in our next Dean is someone with name recognition, strong moral fiber, and no history of murder: we don’t want a serial killer! That’s why I recommend that we look for a candidate high in...
October 10th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

A Letter to the Financial Aid Office: My Summer Earnings

To Whom It May Concern: My name is Jim Bean, Class of 2013, and I am writing to you about the $2,400 that I was expected to earn this summer pursuant my financial aid package. I am going to be honest with you: I was unable to earn the money. Yes, I held a paid internship this summer. But the truth is...
October 6th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

The Life and Times of the Cannon Green Cannon

April 4, 1840- My word, the Princeton boys just buried me in a field behind that old hall of theirs… what was it called? Ah, well, I’m sure the Rutgers chaps have quite the elaborate prank planned; what a shame that I’ll be gone before I ever find out. This bitter, active rivalry truly is timeless! April...
October 2nd, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Josh Weinstein ’09′s Next Ideas

GoodCrush – Missed connections for college students! RandomDorm – Chatroulette for college students! CollegeOnly – Facebook for college students! BetterCrush – Missed connections for college students! BestCrush – Missed connections for college students! CollegeSpace –...
September 27th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Welcome to Princeton

Welcome to Princeton, from your friends at The Princeton Tiger and the USG! Do you like funny things? Are you capable of forming a smile? Are you able to read, at least a little? Then you too can join The Princeton Tiger! We’re looking for people with writing skills, video skills, business skills,...
September 16th, 2010 | Princeton, Video | Read More

USG Eating Clubs Task Force Recommends Replacing “Bo Po” with “Bro Po”

In a recent study of issues surrounding the university’s eating clubs, a Task Force headed by members of the student body has recommended that the Princeton Borough Police, or “Bo Po”, should be replaced with a so-called “Bro Po” as the first responders to medical emergencies and other problems...
May 13th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More