Archive for the ‘Princeton’ Category

Old Man Lurer Had Audacity to be Old, Unattractive

It has been two weeks since Tony Kadyhrob was spotted in the Borough of Princeton, but the aftereffects linger. Kadyhrob, 68, a noted lurer, had been luring his way up and down Western New Jersey in his bitching maroon Yaris for days, and was infamous for both his desire to have sex with college-aged...
April 23rd, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

Fucking WhitmanWire

WhitmanWire has brought to my attention the fact that there are a lot of arts and crafts going on at Princeton. Where the fuck are you people finding the time to do arts and crafts? Seriously. If you have time to scrapbook and make tie-dye shirts and bake, keep it to yourself because those of us who...
March 1st, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

Princeton University Reverses Controversial Policy

After several years of experimentation, Princeton University announced a plan to remove a generally-disliked policy and revert to the original system.  As President Shirley Tilghman explains in an article on Princeton’s website, in adopting the policy, “we [had] hoped other colleges and universities...
February 24th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

Administration Unveils New Grade Deflation Strategies

In an attempt to break the 35% barrier, the Princeton administration unveiled an audacious new plan to decrease the number of As given. Libraries to close at 3 pm. Finals to be held Wednesday nights, in TI No language departments, except Chinese and Russian COS 126 added as AB requirement Con Interp...
February 18th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

“Tiger Mother” Confirms: Raise Your Kids to Attend Princeton

The media has been abuzz in recent weeks about Yale Professor of Law Amy Chua’s new book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.  The book makes several claims that the world has received as outrageous, extraordinary, and even shocking. The book has encountered a somewhat different reception in Princeton,...
February 9th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

Twas the Night Before Dean’s Date

Faithful readers of the Prince (Really? … Who are you?) will remember an oft-printed column that, well, is getting a little old. We decided it was time for a new version. (Update 4:45 PM: They done gone and published it again!) Twas the night before Dean’s Date and perched on my chair, I...
January 10th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

A Petrarchan Sonnet for Dean’s Date

How soon, so soon! our finals week arrives! It drives the best of us up to the brink And the rest of all of us to heavy drink. But we are Princeton so this is our lives. Our dean, you see, so fiendishly connives, A tricky way to make sure that we think. For most of us will see our grade-points sink For...
January 10th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

Forbes College: Why Is It Really So Far Away?

Throughout the years there have been only been a handful of questions, such as “When are the Asian tourists finally planning on staging the coup?” “Where do they keep the safe that holds the endowment?” “Inside which tree is the demon-hole from which all the squirrels keep spawning?” or...
January 9th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

Princeton Looks into More Efficient Heating Solution than Elves with Hammers

In response to accusations of wasteful energy use in regard to its dormitory heating systems, administrators at Princeton University have created the Task Force on Heating Efficiency, whose commission is to explore alternative options and make a recommendation to the Trustees on whether renovations...
January 7th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

Breaking News: Construction at Tiger Inn Leads to Discovery of Beer Field Brewing Beneath the Street

(AP) Princeton – Last week, when José Ramirez began digging the foundation for planned renovations to Princeton’s Tiger Inn Eating Club, he was much abashed to discover his drill propelled into the air. Says Ramirez, “One minute the drill was going down smoothly, the next it was flying...
January 6th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More