Princeton
lavafrosh

Advice for Incoming Freshmen

You’re just a freshman, so it’s totally fine if you don’t know your major yet. That said, you should know my major. It’s Classics. A few years ago, some rowdy Princeton students started…

tedcruz

A Beautiful Mind: A Ted Cruz Story

The year is 1988. A cramped double in 1937 Hall. Half of the room looks like pretty standard college dorm fare: there’s a Jimi Hendrix poster on the wall, a few textbooks strewn…

tmagaquarium

5 Guys Who Will Definitely Take You to the Aquarium

Jeremy Miller: Nobody doubts Jeremy is a fantastic guy. He’s like a taller Zac Efron without the evil glint in his eye. Even better, he’s definitely into you. You’ve seen the way he tripped over…

spiresandgargoyles

Spires and Gargoyles — Love, Actually

A Message from the Chairman Or is it Chairwoman? That’s right. While the boys were out cradling their fragile masculinity and enjoying the ordinary language of day-to-day existence that always includes their sex,…

Happy College Student

Prefrosh Saving Self for College Hookup Scene

Zach McCarthy, a recently admitted member of the Class of 2020, revealed his decision Wednesday to abstain from sexual intercourse until the fall when he can fully take advantage of the university’s hookup…

Frat Pledge New

Princeton Fraternity Sends Pledges to Mars

Yesterday afternoon, Princeton fraternity Sigma Omega Kappa announced that they have officially become the first collegiate fraternity, or organization of any kind, to successfully land “a fricken dude on Mars.” Tiger managed to land an exclusive interview with SOK…

Banned1

Rejected Senior Thesis Topics

• Ancient Aliens: The Origins of Eisgruber • Masturbation and Netflix: An Autobiography • That Secret Nazi Base in Antarctica: Fact or Fiction? • Sad Max: Dystopia and Depression • 2.5 Liters of My Own Spit, Collected over…

numbers_between_0_and_9-709959

Myth vs. Math

Some useful distinctions to help prepare yourself for a math class at Princeton! Myth: You will learn how to prove interesting mathematical statements like “e^iπ+1=0”. Math: You will struggle to prove the most trivial mathematical…

Ivy

America’s Sexiest Currently Tenured Ivy League Presidents

Christina Paxson (Brown University) A young, spry, 55 year-old seductress, Christina Paxson was elected the 19th President of Brown University back in 2012. And ever since then, Brown’s balmy Rhode Island campus has…

The Word

Dr. Lee’ s authoritative, yet kind gaze soothed me. “Go on,” he encouraged. “You’ve made so much progress. Say the words. You can do it.” My mouth felt like a seagull, tongue leaden with British Petroleum. I…

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