Archive for the ‘Princeton’ Category

The Tribe Files for Tax-Exempt Status

PRINCETON, NJ — An exclusive group of freshman girls who call themselves “The Tribe” filed a lawsuit this week against the federal government, demanding that the group be exempted from all sales taxes — in particular those levied during frequent spiritual journeys to J. Crew. The leader...
February 23rd, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Princeton Volunteers Dispense Hot Breakfasts to Deprived Harvard Students

The Harvard administration eliminated hot breakfasts for Harvard students due to budget cuts, and the situation was desperate. These kids needed an angel… and they got several. On Friday, November 6, The Princeton Tiger led a humanitarian aid mission to bring hot breakfast– oatmeal– to Harvard...
February 12th, 2010 | Princeton, Video | Read More

PrincetonFML: Class of 1879

"Spaghetti! MLIG" “Today, I finally finished my senior thesis. I was walking across campus to turn it in to my advisor when a stiff wind kicked up. Now I don’t have a senior thesis anymore. FML” “Believed my roommate to be asleep and began my nightly bout of self-abuse....
February 9th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Colonial Hoses 90% of First Round Sign-Ins

Colonial Hoses 90% of First Round Sign-Ins “We’re really sorry, man.  It was a really strong year, and I spoke hard for you, but it just wasn’t to be.”  Alfred Blair ‘12 (name changed to protect his remaining scraps of self-esteem) had just been hosed from Colonial’s...
February 4th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Archeological Dig in Firestone Library Turns up New Human Ancestor

Late last night, archaeologists working overtime in the recently discovered fifth basement of Firestone Library uncovered the preserved remains of several Princeton students who they believe to date back hundreds of years.  Their report, released today, details the specifics of their find. “With this...
January 17th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Precocious In Princeton

It’s difficult to maintain high school relationships in college. As a freshman, I’m learning this the hard way. I had a girlfriend of a year at a school in Philadelphia, my hometown. So I suppose you can guess what I’m going to say next. That’s right. My girlfriend was injured in a freak gasoline...
January 4th, 2010 | Princeton | Read More

Quickie News: Campus Feminists’ Participation in “No Shave November” A Success

This past month, campus feminists decided to participate in “No Shave November,” with the rousing endorsement of gender pioneer President Shirley Tilghman, who pledged to do the same. In a press release, campus feminists stated that “it’s unfair that women have a social obligation...
December 8th, 2009 | Princeton | Read More

The Humanities Sequence, in Haiku

Artist's rendition of a typical Hume class What has scads of small books, has 3,000 years of world history, and operates in both verse and prose? No, it’s not Red China — it’s Princeton’s very own Humanities Sequence! The Humanities Sequence, or “Hume,” focuses on Western...
November 14th, 2009 | Princeton | Read More

Pleasant Time Had by All at Alcohol-free Event

This piece, by Gerald Harper '10, was personally selected by President Tilghman for display on her refrigerator A social experiment organized by Princeton’s administration and the USG, which was held Saturday evening in the Chancellor Green library, was a smashing success, students and administrators...
November 11th, 2009 | Princeton | Read More

Future Of Princeton Football Uncertain After DeVry Loss

Following an 85-0 loss to the DeVry University “Fightin’ Stenographers,” the termination of Princeton University’s football program is being discussed as a budget-cutting measure, according to University president Shirley Tilghman. “It really seems like the logical next step for the program....
October 18th, 2009 | Princeton | Read More