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Christopher Mintz-Plasse: Please Stop Using My Picture in Your Sexual Assault Awareness Videos 

              Hello, Princeton. I am Christopher Mintz-Plasse. You may recognize me from such films as “Kick-Ass,” “Superbad,” and “12 Years a Slave.” I love my work and…

Nassau Hall

Holy Shit, Two New Trees

              Holy mother of God, there are two brand new trees on campus. Right in front of Nassau Hall, smack-dab in the middle of a chunk of…


I’m Beginning to Think My Lab’s “Smasherator” Experiments are Unnecessarily Cruel to Lab Mice

Let me begin by saying that I’m not an animal rights activist or anything. As a Princeton student studying Molecular Biology, I have experimented on my share of live mice in the pursuit…


Dale Grant Awardee: “I Will Journey to the Orient”

On Thursday afternoon, Marcello Romano was named this year’s recipient of the Dale Fellowship. Romano has stated his intention to use the $35,000 award to “journey to the Orient.” Said spokesperson Daniel Palomey,…

President-Elect  Chris Eisgruber

President Eisgruber Gains Sentience

University Urges Community To Remain Calm Princeton, NJ – A report released from the Office of the Provost earlier today confirmed that University President Christopher Eisgruber has gained sentience. Executive Director of Public Safety…


My Journalistic Integrity Demands This Scathing Review of Dearest Malcolm’s Lackluster Performance in Rent: the Musical

On Friday night, Princeton’s premier student-run theater organization staged their interpretation of Rent: the Musical. The set design was inspired, the accompaniment moving, and the performances were, with one exception, heartfelt and stirring….


The REAL Freshman Dictionary: 20 Terms Every Princeton Freshman Should Know

Alcohol Initiative /al-kuh-hawl ih-nish-ee-uh-tiv/ n. Take the initiative to consume more alcohol. Shots, bitch! Bicker /bik-er/ n. The time for all those debate team kids to shine. Eating clubs that use the bicker…


10 Awesome Things to 3D Print at Princeton, But To Be Fair, A Lot Of Them Are Keychains

3D printing is, without a doubt, one of the most exciting developments in modern technology. If you’re a Princeton student eager to try out this incredible new form of synthetic manufacturing, you’re in luck!…


Hazards and Hazing: Get Ready to Have Your Ass Kicked

Freshman year is always stressful. You’re struggling to find new friends, you’re scared of your professors, and you don’t know what the fuck Vineyard Vines is and you’re afraid to ask at this…


Advice for Incoming Freshmen

You’re just a freshman, so it’s totally fine if you don’t know your major yet. That said, you should know my major. It’s Classics. A few years ago, some rowdy Princeton students started…

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