Archive for the ‘Princeton’ Category

Dean’s Date

The Great Paper Race On Tuesday, January 17, four writers were given a seemingly impossible task: write a paper on a topic they knew nothing about in 45 minutes or less.  This is their story. The Topic What qualities does the work of Wallace Stevens share with the Street on a Saturday night? The...
January 17th, 2012 | Entertainment, Fiction/Poetry, Media, Princeton, Sports | Read More

Restrictions on Greek Life Devastate Greek Economy

Athens, Greece- Though countless Princetonians have complained about the University’s recent decision not to allow students to participate in Greek life until sophomore year, nowhere has the policy had a worse effect than here in Greece itself.  Ever since the ban on freshman rush, Greece has suffered...
December 8th, 2011 | Politics, Princeton | Read More

How to Secretly Fall Asleep in Class

Chemistry What you’ll need: Course textbook Procedure: Choose a seat near the back of the classroom Put the textbook on your lap Rest your head on your hands and pretend to be reading the textbook Close your eyes and sleep Chance of being caught: 5% What to do when caught: Pretend you were reading...
November 5th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

What Your Location in Lecture Says About You

The Professor Location: Stands at the very front of the room. He is also the only person standing in the class, to emphasize his position as the supreme ruler of that room. Secret thoughts during class: “Man, I really hope that this babysitting job will be over soon. I need to get back on my Nobel-prize...
October 25th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

The 7 People You Will Meet Your Freshman Year

The Kid Who’s Just Really Excited to Be Here This is the kid whose wardrobe is comprised of a rotation of all of the free residential college gear he received, along with a pair of khaki cargo pants (the cleanliness of which is questionable). When you pass your residential college’s game-room on...
October 16th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

Princeton Defeats Harvard in Animal Abuse Match

In addition to football’s three-point victory over Columbia last week, Princeton managed to eke out another win against arch-rival Harvard in the annual Ivy League animal abuse tournament. The Tigers defeated the Crimson by just a single violation of the natural laws governing the interactions between...
October 9th, 2011 | Princeton, Sports | Read More

Dean Jueds Has an Amazing Signature

Dear Dean Jueds, I recently had the pleasure of receiving a letter from you with regards to my Dean’s Warning for violation of the University’s copyright policy. Your letter was, of course, very professional and to the point. In addition, the high quality of paper and crisp, clean Princeton University...
August 28th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

Dean Malkiel Leaves Princeton for Standard & Poor’s

It may seem like a completely different line of work, but former Dean of the College Nancy Malkiel says her new job isn’t as different from her position at Princeton as many would expect.  Instead, in an exclusive interview, she has told the Tiger that her new role as chief analyst at Standard &...
August 11th, 2011 | Economy, Princeton | Read More

22 Rejected Thesis Titles

Making Melanoma: Titration of the Dose of Zinc-based UV-ray Blocking Products to Produce the Optimal Skin Pigmentation in a Caucasian Male A Comparative Analysis of Hops-based Alcoholic Beverages How Much Money Can I Get the University to Give Me: A Quantitative Analysis Global warming: Why we’re...
May 3rd, 2011 | Princeton | Read More

5 Tips On Selling Princeton to Admitted Students

There are only a few days left until the pre-frosh are required to commit to one school or another. Here’s how to make sure that school is Princeton: DO NOT ask your pre-frosh if he would care for a round of squash. DO NOT point out the spot where Woodrow Wilson discovered his homosexuality. (Prospect...
April 26th, 2011 | Princeton | Read More