Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

FEMA’s New Children’s Stories

Last year, FEMA pulled their children’s coloring book about 9/11 from their website after a public outcry drew attention to the publication.  (Seriously.  We wish we were making this up.  On the plus side, potty training is easy when you have the crap scared out of you.)  So we wondered: what...
September 24th, 2009 | Politics | Read More

Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Solved

The Israeli-Palestinian conflict, a searing clash that has ripped the Middle East apart, cost countless lives and commanded the attention of the entire world… has been all sorted out. Six months ago, a poorly educated but eternally wise shepherd named Poses ended the conflict, MacGyver style, using...
January 25th, 2009 | Politics | Read More

Alabamans Terrified By Russian Invasion of Georgia

Residents of Alabama expressed shock and disbelief when they learned of Russia’s invasion of Georgia last month. As a result, Alabama has went into a state of emergency: civil war re-enactors statewide have been called in for immediate training, country stars have been commissioned to stop writing...
September 18th, 2008 | Politics | Read More

Will Sensationalist Journalism Kill Us All?

This story contains an explosive exposé of what some sources are calling “the [most shocking cover-up] in [history].”  What you are about to read may frighten you.  Reader discretion is advised. Many Americans are completely unaware that a powerful organization, outside of any government, conducts...
April 18th, 2008 | Politics | Read More

Translating Ahmadinejad

Earlier this month those communists in charge at the esteemed institution of Columbia University (not the real communists in charge of the real Colombia) chose to invite world-renowned freedom-fighter Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to speak. Ahmadinejad, despite all his worldly ways, does not speak English, and...
November 25th, 2007 | Politics | Read More

Support for War on Evil at All-Time Low

In what has been described by critics as a “Quagmire of Biblical Proportions,” God’s prolonged “War on Evil” enters its three hundred thousandth anniversary next month with record unpopularity, a recent Gallup Poll shows. Of the entire population of Heaven, Gallup reports...
November 25th, 2007 | Politics | Read More

Laos Announces Recall of China

In light of recent revelations about the questionable quality of consumer goods manufactured in the People’s Republic of China, the Lao People’s Democratic Republic has announced that it is recalling the People’s Republic of China, effective immediately. The offices of the Chairman...
September 25th, 2007 | Politics | Read More

Tancredo Proposes Blowing Up Earth

In what has been his most well-received stump speech yet, Republican Tom Tancredo proposed his latest measure to fight terrorism: blowing up the world. “Muslims are growing in number, and they’re showing up all over the place, even right here in America!” he announced to a terrified...
September 25th, 2007 | Politics | Read More

Pan-American Ursine Union Stages Valentine’s Day Protest

SOMEWHERE IN THE FORESTS OF CANADA, CANADA – As the only holiday commercialized more than Christmas approaches, sales of the popular teddy bear will reach into the millions. But despite their popularity, this historically lovable toy has attracted criticism from one sector of the population (besides...
February 15th, 2007 | Business, Politics | Read More

Bush’s New Iraq Strategy Based on Romantic Comedies

Just in time for Valentine’s Day President Bush last week unveiled his latest plans for the conflict in Iraq. According to Bush, this new strategy offers a fresh perspective on the war, one that envisions it as a coming-of-age romantic comedy, a bildungsroman picture with a heart of gold. “Up...
February 15th, 2007 | Politics | Read More