Obama Wins Peace Prize
The 2009 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to Barack Obama for his “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and” — wait, what? Now don’t get me wrong, Obama seems all cool and…
“On the Origins of Congress by Means of Natural Selection”
A Congressman is a hardy organism able to survive sexual scandal, the laws of their fellow man, and torrents of constituent letters.
Swine Flu Threatens Bestiality Rights
Members of the administration as well as the health industry are cautioning the public against engaging in contact with pigs due to swine flu. Many Americans, however, are disturbed by where this might…
FEMA’s New Children’s Stories
Last year, FEMA pulled their children’s coloring book about 9/11 from their website after a public outcry drew attention to the publication. (Seriously. We wish we were making this up. On the plus…
Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Solved
The Israeli-Palestinian conflict, a searing clash that has ripped the Middle East apart, cost countless lives and commanded the attention of the entire world… has been all sorted out. Six months ago, a…
Alabamans Terrified By Russian Invasion of Georgia
Residents of Alabama expressed shock and disbelief when they learned of Russia’s invasion of Georgia last month. As a result, Alabama has went into a state of emergency: civil war re-enactors statewide have…
Will Sensationalist Journalism Kill Us All?
This story contains an explosive exposé of what some sources are calling “the [most shocking cover-up] in [history].” What you are about to read may frighten you. Reader discretion is advised. Many Americans…
Translating Ahmadinejad
Earlier this month those communists in charge at the esteemed institution of Columbia University (not the real communists in charge of the real Colombia) chose to invite world-renowned freedom-fighter Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to speak….
Support for War on Evil at All-Time Low
In what has been described by critics as a “Quagmire of Biblical Proportions,” God’s prolonged “War on Evil” enters its three hundred thousandth anniversary next month with record unpopularity, a recent Gallup Poll…
Laos Announces Recall of China
In light of recent revelations about the questionable quality of consumer goods manufactured in the People’s Republic of China, the Lao People’s Democratic Republic has announced that it is recalling the People’s Republic…
