The Last Hours of Osama’s Twitter Feed

Apparently bin Laden was quite the active Twitter user before his death. “@osamaWINladen – how many infidels do I have to kill to get some mayo around here?”

Things Found in Bin Laden’s Mansion

Your car keys DVD of Ankles of Tehran IV: These IslamaBad Girls Have BaghDaddy Issues The last horcrux Jimmy Hoffa’s body Tupac, who was also shot, but survived Seasons 2-5 of prophetic police procedural, “The…

Gaddafi Rises to New Standard of Crazy

Secretary of State Hilary Clinton issued an official notice of thanks to embattled Libyan president Muammar Gaddafi today as part of a landmark new package called the Old World Doctrine. Mrs. Clinton extended…

Breaking News: Obama Attempts To Cover Up the Fact That He’s Transparent

In a shocking story from the White House, it appears that President Obama has been hiding a secret so scandalous that it is only now, over two years into his presidency, that it…

Republicans’ Pledge to America: Translation from Politicianese to Real-World English

The Democrats are evil and will devour your souls. The American people, meaning Republicans because only Republicans are real Americans, do not support a Democratic government. We Americans wrote this pledge to state…

A Short List of Presidential Bros

Brover Cleveland James Monbro Theodore Broosevelt Woodbro Wilson Franklin Deleanor Broosevelt Brahrack Brobama Bill Clinton

Catastrophe at the White House: A Playful Tick Brings in the Bomb Squad

Catastrophe struck last night on National Cancer Appreciation Day when, what began as a lighthearted play-date for Malia and Sasha with a herd of cancer kids, turned into a misunderstanding that made Romeo’s…

Breaking News: Obama Abdicates To Bill Clinton

In a jaw-dropping turn of events at yesterday’s State of the Union Address, President Barack Obama announced that he was resigning the presidency, effective immediately, and turning all presidential duties and responsibilities over…

Hezbollah Lego League Under Fire

This is Darby Billington reporting from Hezbollah’s 3rd Annual Lego League Championship here in Beirut. And let me tell you John, outrage is afoot.

21 Questions with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Name: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Occupation: Goat-fucker Hometown: Aradan, Iran In one sentence, what do you actually do all day? Mostly, fucking goats, but when I’m not fucking goats I’m thinking about the next goat…

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