Politics

Catastrophe at the White House: A Playful Tick Brings in the Bomb Squad

Catastrophe struck last night on National Cancer Appreciation Day when, what began as a lighthearted play-date for Malia and Sasha with a herd of cancer kids, turned into a misunderstanding that made Romeo’s…

Breaking News: Obama Abdicates To Bill Clinton

In a jaw-dropping turn of events at yesterday’s State of the Union Address, President Barack Obama announced that he was resigning the presidency, effective immediately, and turning all presidential duties and responsibilities over…

Hezbollah Lego League Under Fire

This is Darby Billington reporting from Hezbollah’s 3rd Annual Lego League Championship here in Beirut. And let me tell you John, outrage is afoot.

21 Questions with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Name: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Occupation: Goat-fucker Hometown: Aradan, Iran In one sentence, what do you actually do all day? Mostly, fucking goats, but when I’m not fucking goats I’m thinking about the next goat…

A Letter to Julian Assange

Dear Mr. Assange: I’m a 3rd grader from Buffalo, New York and I’m your biggest fan. Your website, Wikileaks, has published so many government secrets, it has made diplomatic relations like that scene…

Breaking News: Majority Of Americans To Be Relocated To ‘Reeducation’ Camps

President Obama announced this morning that, in the wake of the midterm elections, a staggering number of Americans—well over fifty percent—will be compelled to undergo a mandatory “Reeducation” program at internment camps across…

Court Decision Allowing Gay Asians To Serve Openly in the Military Sparks Controversy

Washington DC– Federal Judge Virginia Phillips has granted a worldwide, immediate injunction prohibiting the Department of Defense’s ban on openly gay soldiers, including Asians, from serving in the military. Lt. Daniel Choi, an…

North Korea Develops “Taunt Offensive”

Documents detailing a top-secret North Korean military program intended to weaponize common insults were published yesterday by several leading news organizations, including The New York Times, The Times in London, and What the…

Rhode Island Votes to Move Off Coast of New York to Alleviate Confusion

Today, in a move that will merely fulfill the expectations of many, the Rhode Island State Senate voted to adopt a bill officially moving Rhode Island from its current place under Massachusetts to…

Snooki: The Reincarnation of Winston Churchill?

These wise, portly little figures have more in common than just a strong resemblance to the Cabbage Patch Kids. They are able to create profound statements out of effortlessly simple sentence structures. Masters…

The Princeton Tiger © 2014 All Rights Reserved

Mildly literate comedy since 1882

Designed by WPSHOWER

Powered by WordPress