Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Ask Tiger: Why Can’t I Find A Summer Fling?

Q: Dear Tiger, It’s most of the way through the summer, and I haven’t yet had a fling with a hot babe. What’s wrong with me? Is it my Star Wars action figure collection? -Han Solo by the Shore A: Dear Solo, If you’re alone during the summer, it’s pretty easy to feel like everyone else in...
August 1st, 2010 | Advice | Read More

The Most Honest Cosmo Quiz You’ll Ever Take: Are You Pursuing Him Too Hard?

Are You Pursuing Him Too Hard? Cosmo Tells It Like It Is! 1) You know he’ll be at his regular coffee shop at his regular time. What do you do? a. Put on a cute top and a big smile and run into him! Maybe you’ll start up a witty conversation and who knows, he could ask for your phone number! b....
July 27th, 2010 | How-To | Read More

Modern Applications of Dueling

Marriage. Voting. Worship. Many pundits praise these institutions as the foundations of our society, the traditional moral pillars that keep us from degeneration. Yet for over a century one key practice has been conspicuously absent from this list: dueling. Dueling once played the noble role of allowing...
May 8th, 2010 | Opinion | Read More

How Lady Gaga Convinced Beyonce To Do The ‘Telephone’ Music Video

Lady Gaga: Hey, Beyonce. Beyonce: Are you Lady Gaga or a talking pile of bubble wrap?  It is difficult to tell these days. Lady Gaga: Gaga.  So I have this idea.  For a video.  It’s pretty weird. Beyonce: Like, normal weird or you weird? Lady Gaga: Me weird. Beyonce: The rational part of my...
March 23rd, 2010 | How-To | Read More

Top Ten Old Money Names

Henry Winston Morganthal V Burberry Louise Castermann Chino Polo Spumoni Jameson Winnifred “Spencer” Watson Xylophone Jones Coolant Jr. (Pronounced Huxley Arbeit Meuthe) Gail-Anne Elthorp Beryl Hanna Baumminster Pia Alexandria Smithson-Hannah Skeffington William Fuller –LIS ’14
February 23rd, 2010 | Life | Read More

How to Write a Paper About Nothing

Writing classes tell students a lot of things. A great many of these things are true, if you’re one of those outmoded models with a “drive to learn” (it hurts to type it) or are one of the poor souls to major in a topic with the word “literature” attached to it. For the rest of us, a different...
February 22nd, 2010 | How-To | Read More

Rejected Fire Alarm Procedure

1. Attempt to sleep through screeching alarm. 2. Awaken all roommates and one-night stands. 3. Hastily grab mismatched shoes. 4. Pick a nice coat. Take your time here, it’s better to die stylishly. 5. Stumble down steps. 6. Return for laptop 7. Run down steps for dear life. 8. Realize some bored punk...
February 21st, 2010 | Life, Pamphlets | Read More

Discrimination By (Lack of) Sex

Affirmative action is a contentious policy. Of late, women and African Americans such as Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, and Barack Obama have modeled visible progress, so proponents of affirmative action have reason to be ecstatic. Yet as discrimination in the workforce becomes less and less acceptable,...
February 16th, 2010 | Opinion | Read More

Computer Engineer Barbie Creates Unrealistic Expectations for Women, Engineers

“I really like programming, but I’ll never be pretty enough to be a computer engineer.”  Heather Rogers, like countless other 6-12 year old girls, is part of the next generation of victims in Mattel’s 50-year crusade against women in the workplace.  When computer engineer was...
February 15th, 2010 | Life | Read More

Breakup Leaves Man’s Heart, Refrigerator Cold And Empty

The devastating breakup with his live-in girlfriend of three years has left local man Andrew White emotionally drained and hungry.  “I really thought she was the one,” White told reporters, speaking from a poorly lit bedroom that reflected the darkness  in his soul.  “All I’ve...
February 14th, 2010 | Life | Read More