Life
liberty

Once Upon A Monday

Mondays are band-aids that take 24 hours to rip off; weekly plagues sent from above to ensure people never have fun for more than six days in a row, unless you’re on vacation, in which case, karma will get you eventually. But if the human race collectively hates Mondays with such passion, why keep them around?

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Straight Men Won’t Marry Their Girlfriends: Girlfriends Respond

Dirty-looking white guy standing over a grill? We’re talking to you. Your mix of flannel and apron is neither aesthetically pleasing nor oozing sex appeal. And let’s face it, you’re probably going to burn the shit out of those steaks and end up ordering Domino’s anyway.

Daily Princetonian Errata

- SBW ’15. Artwork by AZ ’16.

Tigermag_ScientistsCancer

Scientists Eradicate Cancer: World Better Off

Big news shook the heavens yesterday as the Universal Regulation and Astronomical Science Society (URASS) decided to remove Cancer from the zodiac. URASS announced the act in response to the tragic alienation of one 16-year-old Madison Blitzberry, who, in the midst of a slumber party horoscope reading, stated that she was a Cancer.

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How To Identify a Means of Egress

In the event that you are unable to identify a means of egress in your residential quarters, consult this guide in order to ascertain its location.

nasshall01

Top 10 Ways To Troll This Parent’s Weekend

Yes, be an asshole.

Crack House

How To Spice Up The Decor In Your Crack House

From the South Atlanta edition of Better Homes & Gardens.

acapella

The Insider’s Guide To College A Cappella

Though a fun, rewarding, and quintessential part of the collegiate experience, college a cappella can be a nightmare of nuance for the uninformed student. Even choosing which groups to audition for can be its own ordeal if you’re not sure what to look for. Here are some free hot tips that’ll put you on the fast track to instrument-free success.

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Christmas in September

I suppose Labor Day can also commemorate the state your mother must have been in just before you were, naked, bawling, and weighing one four thousandth of what you weigh now, ejected out of her cavernous and torn vagina, simultaneously marking the last time you will ever come into contact with a vagina and the beginning of your pathetically luxurious life.

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