Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

New Chinese Characters

The Chinese language has existed for thousands of years and, like any language, it must change and adapt to fit the needs of its speakers as time passes.  Recognizing this need, the Chinese government recently charged the People’s Glorious Commission on Language with revamping the Chinese language,...
October 11th, 2009 | Life | Read More

Tiger Mag’s Tips to Write Good

Appeal to your reader by using colloquialisms Good: I believe that your observations are ill-founded. Better: Yo momma got it all biznatched while I slayed her last night. Use colorful metaphors Good: Her movements were very provocative. Better: She was easier than a TV guide crossword! Repetition ensures...
October 1st, 2009 | Life | Read More

How to Pretend You Care About Genocide

We know, you lead a busy life. Your time is valuable. It’s hard to be you. But lately, your lack of a soul, or even basic empathy for the suffering of other human beings, has been getting in the way of your success, both professionally and personally. You might think it would be too time-consuming...
September 25th, 2009 | Life | Read More

To Life! and, er… Death!

My grandmother died recently and her funeral was very nice. Except for the iridescent pink coffin. Otherwise it was very touching. The singing was nice, sort of a barber-shop quartet done acappella. I was sufficiently disturbed by the pink coffin, however, to recognize that I should leave instructions...
November 25th, 2007 | Opinion | Read More

How To Get A Girl

10.) Touch her subtly. Making contact lets her know that you are interested. Too much contact lets her know you’re a pervert. Because you are, in fact, a pervert. 9.) Laugh. Smile. Make sure she knows you are having a good time. Talk to that random guy by the wall. You don’t actually know...
April 15th, 2007 | Opinion | Read More

Walk for the Cure

Someone knocked on my door the other day, and asked me if I would give them money to inspire their walking around in a circle.  Understandably, I told him to fellatiate a goat.  Why should I pay him money when he just walked all the way here for free? Don’t get me wrong; I hate cancer.  But...
March 10th, 2004 | Opinion | Read More