Illustrated by CSO '15

Oh God, We Can’t Stop

What luck. After 25 years of fruitless research, I tentatively present that my team may have finally found another long-lost piece of history’s puzzle. From this day forward, our understanding of twenty-first century life will never be the same.

Humor is Worthless

People say that satire has the power to educate and change and even assert its author’s own opinions. They are wrong.


Is Your Teen Doing “Weed?”

Has your child been acting strangely in recent years? Odds are, they are using illegal drugs to become “high.” Be on the lookout for the following telltale signs.


Eco-Friendly Alternatives to Children

When deciding whether or not to have a baby, it’s important to consider that human beings are the environment’s greatest threat. Every exhalation is a bullet in the wheel of Mother Nature’s motorcade. Before you try conceiving, remember that there are other, environmentally conscious options.


My Juice Cleanse, Day 40

40 days ago, I started a quest to purify my body and soul via liquefied kale, and I’d love to share my thoughts on how it’s going with you guys! Let’s start with what I think are the main pros and cons so far.


Arts & Transit & DRUGS Neighborhood??

The University claims that construction on the southwest side of campus is for a new “Arts & Transit Neighborhood,” to be completed by 2017. But by every indication of the current construction project,…

Early Admissions

-AD ’16


How to Make Your Secret Crush Notice You in 15 Easy Steps

1. Be Bold!  Guys like bold. Send an email with a menial request to a listserv you knowhe’s on. Use a bold font. 2. Show him a sign!  Slip a printout of the…

Lonely Place_2

A Lonely Place

I sat in the dark, face lit only by the gentle hues of an unrefreshed Friendsy page. How could I sleep, knowing full well my woman could be out with some other man?

Dr Sex

Ask Dr. Sex

A lot of people have asked me where my favorite place to do the sex is. I always tell these people that there is no place better than Prospect Garden. But it is no easy task because I assume that you want to keep it a secret from onlookers and P-Safe. Let me take a couple of moments to explain the best strategy.

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