Hazards and Hazing: Get Ready to Have Your Ass Kicked

Freshman year is always stressful. You’re struggling to find new friends, you’re scared of your professors, and you don’t know what the fuck Vineyard Vines is and you’re afraid to ask at this…


Recipe: Make Your Own Boyfriend

Can’t find the right guy? Tired of being alone? Take matters into your own hands and whip up a man that’ll never leave you with this easy recipe. Ingredients 1 corpse (a recently deceased…

OA Shop Final

Outdoor Action 2014: Tips and Tricks

This year, from August 30th to September 5th, approximately 800 freshman from the class of 2018 will participate in Princeton’s Outdoor Action program. To any and all anxious freshmen, here are a few…


Heated Marijuana Debate Continues

Heated debate regarding the legalization of marijuana has reached a boiling point across the Internet, with thousands of users all vigorously spouting the exact same opinion.


Hookup Horticulture

You’ve heard a lot of exciting stuff about the Hookup Culture here in the realm of tertiary education. You’re trying to get in on that, but how? You know you have to find…

7 Commercial Cars That Were Secretly Death Machines

1. Audi 5000  Before it was making sleek, futuristic sex-mobiles to satisfy the mid-life crises of the world’s richest assholes, Audi was a struggling car company making deals with the devil. In 1982, Satan…

Scandal of the Century on The Biggest Loser

After 7 seasons of winning the hearts of millions of Americans with its life-changing success stories of helping morbidly obese Americans lose weight until they’re only morosely obese, the hit reality show The…

Sleeping Positions: A Clinical Study

An intensive study performed through Dean’s Date and finals period has culminated in the following psychological profile of the habits of Homo Sapiens Princetoniae with regards to general resting and slumber-related behavior.  …

Condom-Gram Optimization

 As with every Valentine’s Day season, Princeton students have been sharing the love by sending each other condom grams, comprised of candy, a condom, and, in most cases, a terribly sarcastic remark. However,…

Disney Channel Airs Willow Smith’s “Whip My Hair”; Thousands of Children Hospitalized

Daughter of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith seemed to be following in their footsteps to fame when she released her new hit single, “Whip My Hair.” Tweens squealed with glee at…

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