7 Commercial Cars That Were Secretly Death Machines
1. Audi 5000 Before it was making sleek, futuristic sex-mobiles to satisfy the mid-life crises of the world’s richest assholes, Audi was a struggling car company making deals with the devil. In 1982, Satan…
Scandal of the Century on The Biggest Loser
After 7 seasons of winning the hearts of millions of Americans with its life-changing success stories of helping morbidly obese Americans lose weight until they’re only morosely obese, the hit reality show The…
Sleeping Positions: A Clinical Study
An intensive study performed through Dean’s Date and finals period has culminated in the following psychological profile of the habits of Homo Sapiens Princetoniae with regards to general resting and slumber-related behavior. …
Condom-Gram Optimization
As with every Valentine’s Day season, Princeton students have been sharing the love by sending each other condom grams, comprised of candy, a condom, and, in most cases, a terribly sarcastic remark. However,…
Disney Channel Airs Willow Smith’s “Whip My Hair”; Thousands of Children Hospitalized
Daughter of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith seemed to be following in their footsteps to fame when she released her new hit single, “Whip My Hair.” Tweens squealed with glee at…
Is It Sex?
In today’s world of sexual promiscuity, it can be hard for young people to stay chaste until marriage. As all sorts of new erotic fads and practices continue to blur the line between virginity and virsinity, we offer you this thought-provoking exercise to help you orient your moral compass (your dick) (or perhaps vagina):
Swine Flu Threatens Bestiality Rights
Members of the administration as well as the health industry are cautioning the public against engaging in contact with pigs due to swine flu. Many Americans, however, are disturbed by where this might…
Princeton Symposium to Encourage Interdisciplinary Approach to Alcoholism
Princeton University, home to thousands of brilliant minds from diverse intellectual backgrounds, is encouraging its students and faculty to work across departments to gain insight into risky drinking behavior. Scholars of all disciplines…
