Archive for the ‘Fiction/Poetry’ Category

Dean’s Date

The Great Paper Race On Tuesday, January 17, four writers were given a seemingly impossible task: write a paper on a topic they knew nothing about in 45 minutes or less.  This is their story. The Topic What qualities does the work of Wallace Stevens share with the Street on a Saturday night? The...
January 17th, 2012 | Entertainment, Fiction/Poetry, Media, Princeton, Sports | Read More

I Hereby Resign as a Planeeter

Hi, everyone. Heart here. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’ve realized that my time as a planeeter is done. This wasn’t an easy decision and it—hey, where are you going? I’m serious this time! Don’t doubt it. I’m going and there’s nothing...
October 10th, 2011 | Fiction/Poetry | Read More

The Invention of the Iron Maiden

Duke: This had better be good. I was elbow deep in concubines. Blacksmith: I believe the expression is “knee deep”. Duke: No, I meant elbow. Blacksmith: Apologies, my lord. But I’m sure you’ll enjoy this. Duke: You found me a new concubine? Blacksmith: No. Duke: Fine wines? Blacksmith: Nay. Duke:...
January 10th, 2011 | Fiction/Poetry | Read More

Two Macho Men Stories

Halloween “Hey man, did I ever tell you about the time I was five, and I rode my Big Wheel through the supermarket? Yeah, it had a Harley Davison sticker on the bumper and a death skull on the handle bars – none of that fairy streamer shit. I was knocking over these housewives right and...
January 8th, 2011 | Fiction/Poetry | Read More

A Christmas Carrel

Excerpts from “A Christmas Carrel” * * * Dean Malkiel peered into the darkness beyond her bed, and lo! a pale white figure emerged from the bedroom wall!  “I am the Ghost of Princeton Past!” said the Apparition.  The green collar of its polo shirt stood erect, and Aviators...
December 25th, 2010 | Fiction/Poetry, Princeton | Read More

Dildo Sale

I can’t wait for the next dildo sale! Normally, I buy about 3-4 new dildos per trip to the dildo store. I make biweekly trips. When there is a dildo sale though, I can buy about 5-6 dildos in one trip. That’s awesome for me because I love dildos so much. - BE
November 16th, 2010 | Fiction/Poetry | Read More

Four Dreams The Author’s Friends Insisted On Telling Him About

Well, so get this. I was in this paintball game, right? And the teams were me and Julianne Moore against my friend and his mom, who was also Julianne Moore. And we were winning but then my Julianne Moore started getting all up in my face and shooting me in the head and torso. So basically I was like,...
October 7th, 2010 | Fiction/Poetry | Read More

The Journal of William Gates, the Internet Explorer

In 1804, President Thomas Jefferson charged Meriwether Lewis and William Gates with exploring and mapping the territory acquired in the famed “Facebook Purchase.” The following are excerpts from Mr. William “Bill” Gates’s log. May 14, 1804 – We depart Redmond today...
August 17th, 2010 | Fiction/Poetry | Read More

The Birth of Keystone Lite

In the beginning, God created beer.  It mostly went downhill from there. Soon after He created beer, God became bored and needed someone to get drunk and watch March Madness with.  Thus man came to be.  After a fortnight of drinking and yelling at the television, man got a little too drunk and tried...
April 14th, 2010 | Fiction/Poetry | Read More

The Ten Commandments Writer’s Room

Uriel: Hail! Fellow Archangels! Champions of Paradise! Lieutenants of the Lord of creation! Gabriel: Can we drop the epic poetry lingo? This thing is due in an hour. Raphael: It’s not the time. Gabriel: All we’ve come up with is “Thou shall keep the Sabbath Holy”. And I only wrote that to give...
April 7th, 2010 | Fiction/Poetry | Read More