Porphyria’s Hookup

The rain set early in to-night, The sullen wind was soon awake, It tore past Elm Drive pre-game lights, And did its worst to vex the Lake: I listen’d with heart fit to…


Blood and the Badge: An Agent Powers Story

Written by Public Safety Officer Brian Powers   Agent Powers crept down the filthy hallway of the decrepit commune. Shifty eyes gleamed menacingly from behind crooked doors. It was a dangerous place. But,…


“There Is No God”: One Man’s Quest to Win an Amazon Gift Card by Taking Psych Thesis Surveys

Four years. Four years, I have tried. Four years—four years! four years! I have tried. Four years, I have failed! I have tried everything now. My name is on all six res college…


A Valentine’s Day Sex Overload

SEX OVERLOADS. Everybody knows them. Everybody fears them. You’ll be heading to Late Meal or whatever, you know, just out and about and minding your own business, when— SEX. It comes flying out at you from every nook and cranny…


World-Famous Rock Star Chad Kroeger Falls in Love With Amanda, Age 15, by Amanda, Age 15

It was a bright and not-stormy day, and Chad Kroeger sat by himself in the corner booth of Big Horns Diner, drinking a hot coffee in full view of the Montana sunlight.


The Lost Manuscripts of Chet Slaterton, 19th Century British Fraternity Brother

Our Mutual Friend ‘Twas the fourteenth of July, a beautiful day with the sky blue as a robin’s egg and nary a cloud to be seen for miles in any direction. My dearest friend Randy—O,…


Stopping by McCosh on a Drunken Evening

Whose coat this is I think I know. He must be back in Terrace, though; He did not see me stealing it To wear as I plod through the snow. My friend must…

Roommate Contract (Amended)

Roommate Contract (Additions in Green) Names: Donald Marad, Neil Stewart By signing this roommate contract, we hereby agree to: Sleep by 2 AM on weeknights. Sitting in bed and cackling to Dane Cook does not count…


Green Eggs and Daaaaaamn

I do not like Green Eggs, but damn…


The Most Sustainable Excerpts from 50 Shades of Green

Right now, the only thing hotter than global warming is this steamy new romp from G.W. Jameson. The novel, printed on mostly recycled material, follows the passionate commitment to helping our planet shared…

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