Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

Dean’s Date

The Great Paper Race On Tuesday, January 17, four writers were given a seemingly impossible task: write a paper on a topic they knew nothing about in 45 minutes or less.  This is their story. The Topic What qualities does the work of Wallace Stevens share with the Street on a Saturday night? The...
January 17th, 2012 | Entertainment, Fiction/Poetry, Media, Princeton, Sports | Read More

Another Tebow Miracle Brings Hope

DENVER- The cheers from fans as Tim Tebow’s 80-yard strike to Demaryius Thomas put the Broncos past the Steelers extended well beyond the confines of Mile High Stadium Sunday night, with people worldwide tuning in to Tebow Mania. Indeed, as far away as the small village of Wernyol, in Southern Sudan,...
January 10th, 2012 | Sports | Read More

NBA Lockout Ends as David Stern Finds Key

Basketball fans everywhere this week are rejoicing, as news emerged last week that the NBA Lockout had come to an end. The NBA, located at 645 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York, is a favorite spot of many to come and play basketball. Since August, players have been locked out after the key to the door...
December 6th, 2011 | Sports | Read More

Joe Paterno Also Covered Up Who Killed JFK, Where Other Sock Goes In Dryer

In a shocking new twist in the Penn State case, disgraced former head of the Penn State football program Joe Paterno has been found to have covered up far more than previously thought. In addition to charges of failing to adequately respond to reports of sexual abuse by one of the team’s assistant...
November 29th, 2011 | Sports | Read More

A Letter to the Defense

From the desk of Offense… Defense, Where do you get off? Special teams told me what you said about me. I’m a showoff? Is that so? Where do you get the nerve? I’m busy winning games over here. You think you’re so great because of that interception in the third quarter? That’s fine. Go...
November 22nd, 2011 | Sports | Read More

Princeton Defeats Harvard in Animal Abuse Match

In addition to football’s three-point victory over Columbia last week, Princeton managed to eke out another win against arch-rival Harvard in the annual Ivy League animal abuse tournament. The Tigers defeated the Crimson by just a single violation of the natural laws governing the interactions between...
October 9th, 2011 | Princeton, Sports | Read More

Tiger Woods Finds Lost Lucky Underwear, Resumes Winning

Jupiter, FL – A crowd quickly gathered at the home of Tiger Woods early Monday morning in preparation for an impromptu press conference regarding the American golfer’s recent find of his beloved lucky underwear. Tiger wasted no time and jumped into his prepared statement.   “Well, I had been...
September 24th, 2011 | Sports | Read More

Ohio State Tattoo-Gate Violators Sentenced to Death

Columbus, OH — The five Ohio State players caught trading their own personal possessions for tattoos have been sentenced to the death penalty. The affected players include 2010 leading rusher Dan Herron, number one receiver DeVier Posey, All-Big Ten offensive tackle Mike Adams, defensive end Solomon...
September 14th, 2011 | Sports | Read More

Dogg Barks up March Madness

On Friday, NCAA Spokesperson Stacy Osburn announced impromptu changes in March Madness rules this year. After signing a $9 million deal with rapper Snoop Dogg(y Dogg) just last week, it was agreed that tournament rules would be changed to ‘Street basketball rules’ to better acknowledge and appreciate...
March 21st, 2011 | Sports | Read More

LeBron Abandons Pretense, Gets ‘Fuck You Ohio’ Tattoo

The sentiment out of Miami today was surprise, as Lebron James just went ahead and did it during a press conference, finally revealing the “Fuck You Ohio” tattoo on his chest that we all knew was there. He immediately went on the offensive. “Have any of you people ever been to the state...
November 9th, 2010 | Sports | Read More