Archive for the ‘Entertainment’ Category

An Open Letter to Batman

Dear Batman, You probably don’t know me. But I know you—very well. It was a cool evening last Sunday, at about 6 p.m., when you crashed my head through the bank teller’s window and yelled, “Justice never sleeps!” in that idiotically gruff voice of yours. Moments before, I had been in the...
November 15th, 2011 | Entertainment | Read More

Princeton Defeats Harvard in Animal Abuse Match

In addition to football’s three-point victory over Columbia last week, Princeton managed to eke out another win against arch-rival Harvard in the annual Ivy League animal abuse tournament. The Tigers defeated the Crimson by just a single violation of the natural laws governing the interactions between...
October 9th, 2011 | Princeton, Sports | Read More

Tiger Woods Finds Lost Lucky Underwear, Resumes Winning

Jupiter, FL – A crowd quickly gathered at the home of Tiger Woods early Monday morning in preparation for an impromptu press conference regarding the American golfer’s recent find of his beloved lucky underwear. Tiger wasted no time and jumped into his prepared statement.   “Well, I had been...
September 24th, 2011 | Sports | Read More

Ohio State Tattoo-Gate Violators Sentenced to Death

Columbus, OH — The five Ohio State players caught trading their own personal possessions for tattoos have been sentenced to the death penalty. The affected players include 2010 leading rusher Dan Herron, number one receiver DeVier Posey, All-Big Ten offensive tackle Mike Adams, defensive end Solomon...
September 14th, 2011 | Sports | Read More

U2’s Exotic New Album Totally Uninspired by Indian Music

U2 released their new album “Save the World” today to iTunes and record stores across the world. BBC music gave the album 5 out of 5 stars, claiming “From the very first track, one can really detect the subtle lack of any sort of multicultural presence in the music.” They added, “It’s really...
August 29th, 2011 | Entertainment | Read More

XXX Versions of Harry Potter Movies

You-Know-Who’s You-Know What Accio Lesbians Bareback Centaurs 6 Practicing Parseltoungue 4 Whorecrux Patrol Debbie Does Slytherin House Elf House Orgy 3 Snape’s Dungeon Hufflepuff Sluts 2 Albus Dumbledore Presents: The Elder Wand Quidditch Bitches 3 Platform 9 and 3/4 Isn’t Big Enough -MS...
August 9th, 2011 | Entertainment | Read More

Mario Gets Ready for Showtime

World 1-1. Two plumbers stretch in the locker room. Luigi: So. What’s on the agenda this time? Mario: You know what it is. It’s the same thing it always is. L: The dragon guy? Again? M: He’s more like a turtle with spikes. L: Whatever. I’m a plumber, not a cryptozoologist. M: What’s a cryptozoologist? L:...
April 8th, 2011 | Entertainment | Read More

Breaking News – TigerMag Uncovers Network Of Presidential Blogs

With well-known celebrities, politicians, and activists utilizing social media to communicate with their fans and supporters, it was only a matter of time before University officials similarly adopted such measures.  As TigerMag’s newly-formed investigative journalism branch has discovered, that time...
April 2nd, 2011 | Entertainment | Read More

Rebecca Black Releases First Movement of Epic, 7-Part “The Days” Suite

The three Bs of the Western musical canon- Bach, Beethoven, and Bieber- have been joined by a fourth: Rebecca Black. The opening movement of the child prodigy’s latest opus, “Friday,” has already been appreciated by over 40 million YouTube listeners – more than 100 times the...
March 30th, 2011 | Entertainment | Read More

Dogg Barks up March Madness

On Friday, NCAA Spokesperson Stacy Osburn announced impromptu changes in March Madness rules this year. After signing a $9 million deal with rapper Snoop Dogg(y Dogg) just last week, it was agreed that tournament rules would be changed to ‘Street basketball rules’ to better acknowledge and appreciate...
March 21st, 2011 | Sports | Read More