Student Accepts Finance Internship, Sells Soul to Satan

Princeton sophomore Lydia Emerson was just about to give up any hope of finding a summer internship when she got the glorious news: she had been selected for a highly coveted position at…

U.S. News & World Report Logo. (PRNewsFoto/U.S. News Media Group)

Top 25 Space Universities in the Universe

1. 24-Hour Night School 2. Battleschool Scholastica 3. UFO (Univ. of Flying Objects) 4. Deep Space University: Now offering 2.7 degrees! 5. The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other…


A Letter from the Chairman and CEO of ExxonMobil

Here at ExxonMobil,  we’re proud of the fact that we have 37 refineries in 21 countries around the world, and as a result we take our global citizenship very seriously. That’s why today, I’m proud to announce that…


Failed Corporate Foundations

• KFC Presents: Colonel Sanders’ Multiple Sclerosis Extravaganza • The ExxonMobil “Did We Do That?” Foundation • The Smith & Wesson “GUNZ4KIDS” Initiative • Trojan “Our Bad” Daycare Centers • The NIKE Fund for…

OA Shop Final

Outdoor Action 2014: Tips and Tricks

This year, from August 30th to September 5th, approximately 800 freshman from the class of 2018 will participate in Princeton’s Outdoor Action program. To any and all anxious freshmen, here are a few…


Green Is Good

Seattle, WA. 11:25 am. The trendy green products markets open at 11:30. It’s game time.


Mom & Pop Sex Shop To Close

Amateur sex enthusiasts Agnes and James Rafano, tired of enjoying a simply above-average sex life, decided to go pro and opened their store in 1971. It has remained one of New Jersey’s only family-owned and operated dildo distributors ever since. But everything is about to change.

u store

Failed U-Store Items

ITEM                                                      REASON FOR FAILURE Dunce Caps                                     caused death at fraternity ‘head-jousting’ tournament Cereal                                                out-competed by Frosted Flakes Dildos                                                bright orange is a difficult color to hide Skateboards                                   50% of Forbes students hospitalized Vodka                                            …

Asset Management After the Apocalypse

Now everybody just calm down. I said calm down! Just because we’re living in the end times doesn’t mean that it’s okay to panic. I know what you’re thinking: I’ve grabbed all of…

Vocation Location: The Story of My Meteoric Rise as a Criminal Gun Caddie

This is a story all about how my life got turned upside-down. Except, seriously, a dealer once turned me upside-down ‘cause he thought I was holding out on my earnings. Let me start…

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