OA Shop Final

Outdoor Action 2014: Tips and Tricks

This year, from August 30th to September 5th, approximately 800 freshman from the class of 2018 will participate in Princeton’s Outdoor Action program. To any and all anxious freshmen, here are a few…


Green Is Good

Seattle, WA. 11:25 am. The trendy green products markets open at 11:30. It’s game time.


Mom & Pop Sex Shop To Close

Amateur sex enthusiasts Agnes and James Rafano, tired of enjoying a simply above-average sex life, decided to go pro and opened their store in 1971. It has remained one of New Jersey’s only family-owned and operated dildo distributors ever since. But everything is about to change.

u store

Failed U-Store Items

ITEM                                                      REASON FOR FAILURE Dunce Caps                                     caused death at fraternity ‘head-jousting’ tournament Cereal                                                out-competed by Frosted Flakes Dildos                                                bright orange is a difficult color to hide Skateboards                                   50% of Forbes students hospitalized Vodka                                            …

Asset Management After the Apocalypse

Now everybody just calm down. I said calm down! Just because we’re living in the end times doesn’t mean that it’s okay to panic. I know what you’re thinking: I’ve grabbed all of…

Vocation Location: The Story of My Meteoric Rise as a Criminal Gun Caddie

This is a story all about how my life got turned upside-down. Except, seriously, a dealer once turned me upside-down ‘cause he thought I was holding out on my earnings. Let me start…

Toyota Recalls CERN Due To Particle Accelerator Malfunction

The Toyota Motor Company today announced it is expanding its recall of products with faulty accelerators to include the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN).  Many operators of CERN’s multi-billion-dollar particle accelerator, the…

Makers of Novelty 2000’s New Years’ Glasses: “We’re fucked.”

NEW YORK – “What the hell!?  I can’t see out these damn things.  What am I going to do with six hundred thousand “2010” sunglasses that don’t even fit over my eyes!?  Oh…

NPR Presents: Conversations in Shipping, Part VI

Last week, NPR’s Chief Shipping Correspondent Gerald Hopkins met with representatives from UPS and FedEx as part of NPR’s ongoing “Conversations in Shipping” series.  They discussed the challenges and changes happening in shipping today….

Facebook Considers Purchase of Second Webserver

PALO ALTO, CA – The popular online social networking/anonymous stalking utility known as Facebook has enjoyed explosive growth since its founding in 2004. When Facebook founder and small Massachusetts college dropout Mark Zuckerberg…

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