For too long the DAILY PRINCETONIAN has LIED to HARD-WORKING AMERICANS of this University, taking orders directly from the corporate clowns of HARVARD UNIVERSITY and promoting a CRIMSON AGENDA.
Yesterday, I went to the office of President Eisgruber to request he accept my resignation from the position of Chairman of The Princeton Tiger and, consequently, director of covert operations at Princeton University.
It’s well known that F. Scott Fitzgerald was disillusioned by what he saw as the decadence of Princeton life, but he sells the University short. That’s not to say he was wrong—how many towns in America can say a major event is the Banana Republic being replaced by a Brooks Brothers?—but there are so many other reasons to be disillusioned by Princeton that Ol’ Fitzy never even touched on.
Yesterday, our Chairman sent this e-mail to President Eisgruber. Much to our surprise, he soon replied. ——————————————– Dear Timothy, Thank you for these extremely
On Monday, July 1st, 2013, Christopher L. Eisgruber became the 20th President of Princeton University. The following is a real e-mail sent by our Chairman to the incoming president on this momentous occasion.
Dirty-looking white guy standing over a grill? We’re talking to you. Your mix of flannel and apron is neither aesthetically pleasing nor oozing sex appeal. And let’s face it, you’re probably going to burn the shit out of those steaks and end up ordering Domino’s anyway.
Only weeks after Facebook announced it had reached 1 billion users, a federal investigations commission has published a report revealing that the social networking site has only two certifiable account holders. One is none other than chief executive Mark Zuckerberg.
Election watchers of all political stripes were stunned Tuesday night as long-shot Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson decisively carried New Jersey, winning 100 percent of the 73 votes cast throughout the state.
In the event that you are unable to identify a means of egress in your residential quarters, consult this guide in order to ascertain its location.
Yes, be an asshole.