3 Tips on Finally Coming Out to the Person You’ve Been Relentlessly Cyberbullying

Cyberbully#1. Be ready for the worst

Maybe this will not change anything for Gary. Maybe he will say, “I love you no matter what,” “I am proud of who you are,” or “I forgive you for all those times you urged me to commit suicide.” But Gary might not immediately accept your new identity. He might say, “You are no cyberbully of mine!” or “Never text me death threats again!”

If this is the case, just remember: you are and always will be Gary’s cyberbully, and nothing will ever change that. Gary just needs time to figure this out for himself.

#2. Consider your approach

Maybe a coming-out-text-message to Gary isn’t the best idea, considering that the last thing in your text history reads: “I’m telling everyone your dad is in ISIS.”

Posting on his Facebook wall seems like the next logical approach. The only downside to this is that 6 hours ago, you Facebook messaged Gary about your plans to destroy his mom’s asshole with your massive Jew cock, which, as you’ve boasted, would leave her anatomically disfigured and for the rest of her brief and unhappy life.

#3. In the end, know that Gary loves you

No, Gary did not change his profile pic to rainbow after gay-marriage was legalized. That’s not very reassuring. And no, he might not feel particularly stoked about the time you hacked his twitter and tweeted “I love poop and eating poop.” But that doesn’t change that fact that you are Gary’s cyberbully and he is your cyberbully victim; it doesn’t erase the cyber-bond between you.

 

-KZ ’20

The Princeton Tiger © 2017 All Rights Reserved

Mildly literate comedy since 1882

Designed by WPSHOWER

Powered by WordPress