The Martian Is My Life

martian-gallery3-gallery-image

Dear 20th Century Fox,

While most people were entertained or at least somewhat amused while watching your recent release, “The Martian,” I was shocked. How could you call this movie a science fiction epic about a disastrous mission on Mars when it clearly depicts episodes taken directly from my life experience? As I watched your movie, I couldn’t help but notice its striking similarities to events in my life. For instance,

  • The protagonist has a near death experience.
  • The protagonist experiences abandonment.
  • A group of people experiences failure.
  • The protagonist exhibits resourcefulness.
  • There is a theme of perseverance.
  • There is a storm.
  • The protagonist feels out of touch with the world.
  • A group of friends comes to the protagonist’s aid.
  • There is a romantic interest.
  • The protagonist keeps a garden.

I believe this serves as sufficient evidence that “The Martian” was not just inspired by, but indeed is an unauthorized portrayal of my life. Therefore, I have no other choice but to sue your corporation for $250 million on account of this atrocious infringement on my intellectual property. My lawyers have informed me that my case is “nothing like we have ever seen before” and “an awfully strong and somewhat supported claim,” so I expect it to be completely successful.

Sincerely,

A disgruntled moviegoer

— AF ’19

The Princeton Tiger © 2017 All Rights Reserved

Mildly literate comedy since 1882

Designed by WPSHOWER

Powered by WordPress