Freshman Excited to Live in Same Room Where Renowned Physicist Did Some of His Most Notable Masturbating

Dorm Masturbating

Listening gleefully to the Sunday morning carillon bells at the Graduate College, first year physics student Marc Flauverat moved his belongings into the dorm room where Nobel Prize-winning physicist Clinton Davisson did some of his most notable masturbating. “Davisson is one of my heroes,” Marc exclaimed as he unloaded his crystallography textbooks onto the shelving that once housed Davisson’s extensive collection of erotic daguerreotypes. “If only Davisson were alive today—I know that he would have been excited to see what progress we’ve made with the help of the Large Hadron Collider,” Flauverat said wistfully, not realizing that Davisson would have been more excited by today’s abundance of free internet pornography. Challenging himself to keep the “sanctity of this hallowed ground” intact, Flauverat vowed that while he was in the room that he would limit himself to an ascetic, single-minded study of physics, “because that’s definitely what an intellectual giant like Davisson would have done.”

–AG ‘GS

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