4:30 pm Decided to take my girl to Olive Garden after I thought about last time I went there with my bro Mike. We only ordered breadsticks and Dos Equis. It was savage.
4:35 pm Got the tips re-frosted.
4:45 pm Throw on my two best polos, which are the colors of Sigma Chi. Fraternities are so sick. The brotherhood, the culture, the Latin history…
4:47 pm Fist bumped my reflection on the way out.
5:00 pm I picked my girl up in my Subaru STI complete with fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview mirror that my bro Mike gave me last Christmas (no homo).
5:15 pm Peeled into the Applebee’s parking lot. Did a couple of donuts for good measure. Then I opened the door for her and she called me a gentleman. To make up for it, I ordered her meal for her.
5:30 pm About halfway through the date she told me how much I meant to her. I started getting this weird feeling in my chest and so I grabbed the Natty Lite that I keep in my pocket for emergencies and chugged it right there.
5:59 pm She looked beautiful but I didn’t want to admit it, so I recited lines to Pitbull’s “Fireball” to calm me down.
7:00 pm I told her that I really like the sandwiches she makes for me. The emotions were getting too heavy so I had to contact my bros to schedule some serious R&R (Reps & Roids).
– ARG ’18. Illustrated by AZ ’16