Here at Princeton, everything is bigger. The buildings, the dorm rooms (okay maybe not those), Whitman Dining hall during intersession (definitely not that), my sex life (definitely that). Sixty-Nine doesn’t cut it for me anymore. When I’m shucking the oyster with someone and we want to mutually please each other, we go big. Why bother with 69 when you can get 69,000? I like my sex big and 69,000 is as big as it gets. Believe me, I would know. I have lots of sex. All the time. Hey, 69,000 happens to be my tuition bill. What a coincidence.
– AV ’18. Illustrated by AZ ’16.