Ivy Bicker Chair Invokes the Ivy Bicker Gods

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As Bicker continues, Ivy Bicker Chair Augustus IV gathered members of the Ivy Club Tuesday night to formally invoke the Ivy Bicker Gods.

Augustus IV, formerly known as Rich Hankins ’16, was chosen by the Ivy Conclave last month and adopted his formal Bicker Chair name ahead of the club’s spring Bicker process.

“Oh spirits who guard these sacred walls, ye who sit and decide the fate of the world, guide all those in this club as they seek a Bicker class worthy to praise you,” Augustus IV chanted, waving a censor back and forth in front of a portrait of Charles Scribner ’43 on the main staircase in Ivy.

ivyAfter reciting from the Necronomicon Hederae, the Bicker Chair delivered a sermon to those in attendance on the importance of the mission before them.

“The Bicker Gods will speak to you – be ever vigilant, lest you fail to hear their commandments,” he preached. “Think always on the gravity of this responsibility.”

Some in attendance shouted “Amen!” while others, overcome with emotion, began speaking in tongues.

“Also, the grad board really wants us to look a little more diverse this year,” Augustus IV added. “So, you know, keep that in mind.”

-SBW ’15. Illustrated by CSO’15.

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