Not having any luck on Tinder, Grindr, or OKCupid? Sick of meeting people over Craigslist and repeatedly getting kidnapped? Bored of everyone you meet on Christian Mingle turning out to be a depraved serial killer? If things aren’t working out for you on the Big 3 (Hinge, JDate, and AmishCrush.com), check out these lesser known ones and you’re sure to find something and someone you love.
Mennonite Orgy Locator
Locates the nearest Mennonite orgy
Six Degrees to Kevin Bacon
By introducing you through a long string of mutual acquaintances, this app will connect you with actor Kevin Bacon
Porn
Displays pornography
Zodiac
Based on your astrological sign, sends your personal information to the Zodiac Killer, the infamous (and devilishly handsome) serial murderer active in the Bay Area in the late 1960s and early 1970s
UrMom
Allows your mother to reconnect with the enormous number of your 7th grade classmates with whom she had brief and tumultuous affairs in 2008
Legal Partnr
Finds completely legal escorts in your area who are not prostitutes
Lovr
Helps you find a deep connection with another person, not just another fleeting one night stand that leaves you wondering if you’ll ever find a true emotional link with another human being as the weight of your own mortality bears down upon you. Haha, just kidding, it’s for boning
SoleMate
Attempts to locate your soul mate and fails because honestly the concept is kind of bullshit
Gayz
Matches you with a partner to stare at fleetingly from across a crowded room, knowing you’ll likely never see them again, leaving you wondering if maybe, under different circumstances, you could’ve been something more…
HotFuckFinder
Helps you meet new platonic friends. Anyone who attempts to solicit sex through the app will be permanently banned. Where do you people get it in your sick heads that this is some kind of filthy hookup service?
– MWG ’16. Illustrated by AJS ’15.