Outdoor Action 2014: Tips and Tricks

Illustration by CO '15.
Illustration by CO ’15.

This year, from August 30th to September 5th, approximately 800 freshman from the class of 2018 will participate in Princeton’s Outdoor Action program. To any and all anxious freshmen, here are a few quick tips and tricks guaranteed to give you the best OA experience ever!

  • Before you go, make sure to learn all the words to “Wagon Wheel.” You will only get one chance to sing it and if you mess up, the hot chicks will find out.
  • At dinnertime, remember: quinoa is 14% protein and 100% horse meat.
  • Don’t forget to bring your grandmother’s wedding ring. You never know when you might meet “the one.”
  • 12% of Princeton students are legacies. If you can’t spot the legacy in your group, odds are it’s you. You’ve been a legacy this whole time!
  • You don’t have to hide your food from the bears if your food is bears.
  • You’re not allowed to hook up on OA, but handies don’t technically count as “hooking up,” right? Check the rules, where does it say anywhere that dogs can’t play basketball?
  • Pooping is for the weak.
  • If you think your OA leader is hot, chances are they think you’re hot too. Act on these urges.
  • Tuesday is taco night!
  • To test the effectiveness of the program, Chris Eisgruber likes to disguise himself as a student and tag along with a random group. To this day, no one has figured out what his disguise is. He has been doing this for years.
  • If you can survive the Mists of Madness long enough to stab the Elder with the Blade, you don’t have to take a writing sem.
  • When you get back, ask your new OA friends to audition for Quipfire with you. If you know the people you’re auditioning with, you’ll all get in for sure!
  • Showering when you get back to campus is a suggestion, not a requirement.

– DC ’16

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