T.I. Petitions U.S. Government for Direct Connection to Keystone Pipeline

Illustrated by CSO ’15

PRINCETON – In a meeting last week with members of the House Subcommittee on Pipe and Line Related Matters, Tiger Inn officers petitioned for government funding of an extension to the Keystone Pipeline to the Princeton area.

The proposed 1000-mile extension would connect the TI taps directly to Canadian and American reserves of crude Keystone Light. According to experts at the Bureau of Experimental Efficiency Research (BEER), the pipeline could increase the tap efficiency of TI by nearly 600%, allowing for an unprecedented 57.3 beer throws per minute. If approved, construction will begin immediately, and club officers expect that the project will be completed by next year’s “State Night” party.

The proposal has, however, met resistance. Last month, nine Princeton students were arrested at a protest of the pipeline in front of the White House.

– EJK ’17

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