Is Your Teen Doing “Weed?”

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Illustrated by AZ ’16

Has your child been acting strangely in recent years? Odds are, they are using illegal drugs to become “high.” Be on the lookout for the following telltale signs:

They use unfamiliar slang words
Many teen drug users have established an elaborate code to disguise their criminal activities. These slang terms are anything but harmless, allowing “dealers” to sell their illegal wares to each other. Popular code words to look out for include SWAG, an acronym for “smoking weed and grass,” and ‘SUP, which is “shooting up pot.”

They are constantly eating
Another symptom of the marijuana plant is that it gives teens voracious appetites. If you see your child devouring entire boxes of pizza bagels or whole bags of chips at a time, they most likely have a bad case of “the munchies,” a disease caused by cannabis.

They seem sullen or unresponsive
Does your teen seem to be avoiding you? Do they ignore you when you talk to them or only respond with monosyllabic grunts? These are classic symptoms of being high on drugs—their paranoia attacks the part of their brain responsible for speech and causes them to fear positive moral guidance from their role models/heroes.

They are frequently aroused
If you have noticed that your teen has an erection at inappropriate family moments such as saying grace or visiting grandma at the hospital, this could mean they are “using.” Marijuana has been known to increase sex drives, which, if left unchecked, could force your child into joining a “drug orgy.”

They spend long periods of time alone in the bathroom
If you observe your teen going into the family bathroom and don’t see him come out for a good 30 minutes, he may be doing drugs inside your very own home. One key sign to look out for is if he enters the bathroom with filthy magazines, which are often used as the paper for rolling “marijuana cigarettes” due to their lack of journalistic integrity. Large numbers of tissues may also be substituted, so be concerned if your teen seems to use a lot while they’re in there. Other signs to look out for are any indications that he is happier and more relaxed than normal after coming out of the bathroom, a side effect of the “weed” drug.

They want to work & buy a car
Many teen drug addicts will try to act like they are responsible and want to and earn their own way, but don’t be fooled by this phony display of elbow grease. In all probability, they are seeking money to sell or buy marijuana plants. The same goes for saving up to buy a car, which can be used for drug trading and/or drop-offs. Even worse, many teens on drugs will do a “heat box” in their cars, using the whole vehicle as a “bong pipe” to become high in.

Parents, don’t let your child suffer a lifetime of weed addiction. If you notice any of the unusual behaviors above, have them checked into drug rehab immediately.

– MWG ’16

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