Illustrated by CSO ’15
Princeton Alert – Rager spotted south of center campus
This is NOT a test.
Because of an anticipated surplus of alcohol in the Princeton University Public Safety staff lounge, students and faculty are advised to come down-campus and help us kill these 30-racks starting at 10 p.m. today, March 27th and continuing into the early hours of March 28th. The University’s Department of Public Safety will continue monitoring the situation until it heads to Charter or just passes out.
Only employees in critical or essential roles should report to this party for shifts before 10 p.m. After that, individual faculty members and students who think they can help us crush a keg should report to the Public Safety office immediately with a mixer.
Princeton Alert – Rager spotted south of center campus – Update!
Princeton University officials continue to monitor this ongoing ragefest and hardly any of you have showed up yet. If we decide it’s too full, an update will be sent via the Princeton Telephone and E-Mail Notification System (PTENS), but until then we need more people.
Princeton Alert – Update – All Clear
Princeton University officials have crushed everything we had. A sweaty white male approximately 18-22 years of age who was at the party reported that he practically downed a 30-rack by himself and that the event was “fuckin’ tight.”