How to Make Your Secret Crush Notice You in 15 Easy Steps

Love-Birds-Parrots

1. Be Bold! 

Guys like bold. Send an email with a menial request to a listserv you knowhe’s on. Use a bold font.

2. Show him a sign! 

Slip a printout of the top Bing results for “how to know if a girl likes me” under his door, then perform the “warning signs” in sequential order the next times you see him. If you don’t feel comfortable acting that way, make a website listing how you do want to act, visit your site thousands of times until it comes up first in the search results, then put it under their door.

3. Go out on a limb! 

Click his name on Friendsy, but when it doesn’t say mutual right away, panic and unclick it. Do this every day, in case they’ve since clicked you but your notifications system is broken.

4. Leave him a note! 

Write a vague Tiger Admirers entry along the lines of “I wish you would notice me.” Don’t use his name though, because that would be too forward.

5. Write him a letter! 

Write an anonymous Tiger Admirers post addressed to the crush. But still keep it vague—don’t want to sound desperate!

6. Be affectionate! 

Run up behind him in the lunchroom and kiss the back of his head.

7. Get up close and personal! 

Sit three desks away from him in lecture. Cry to yourself softly.

8. Tell him how you feel! 

Sit near them, but facing perpendicularly. Shout, “I really like you!!” If he smiles, smile back. If he doesn’t, have your phone against your other ear and pretend you were talking to someone on the phone the whole time.

9. Show him your playful side! 

Whenever you see this sexy someone, immediately begin playing a game. Doesn’t matter if you have anyone to play with—whip out your Hungry Hungry Hippos or Battleship game set and have at it! You’ll totally have his attention.

10. Laugh! 

Guys love making girls laugh, so be sure to giggle at all his jokes. If you’re not sure it’s a joke, laugh harder, because he’s probably trying. Is his professor hard to understand? Is his family adopting a puppy from a local shelter? Was his grandmother just diagnosed with terminal cancer?

11. It’s all in the eyes! 

Instead of looking him in the eyes, stare intensely at another facial feature, like his eyebrow or ear. When he looks back at you, quickly look away. Not only will you have that cutie hooked, but he’ll also be incredibly self-conscious!

12. Tease him, girl! 

Point out his flaws and insecurities.

13. Use his name!

Replace every second-person pronoun with his first, middle, and last name. Guys love to hear their own full names repeated back to them every few seconds.

14. Get touchy-feely! 

If, by a stroke of luck, you happen to bump into him on your way to class, mumble something incomprehensible, vaguely about an apology and the weather, and then stare longingly after him as he walks away.

15. Give him flowers! 

Get flowers, put them in a box, look up his Frist mailbox number, write the number on the box, and place it on the blue campus mail bin in Frist. If it’s meant to be, they’ll survive the lack of water and air, and he’ll know they were from you.

– MFG ’14 & ECM ’17.

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