Loki the Hedgehog Faces Disciplinary Action for Adderall Use

adderall

PRINCETON, NJ — In an effort to raise students’ spirits and provide light-hearted inspiration for those studying into the wee hours of the morning during midterms week, the Office of the Dean of Undergraduate Students started a live camera feed of a hardworking hedgehog named Loki running and playing throughout the night. Loki’s focus, energy, and perseverance helped motivate struggling, sleep-deprived students for several hours as he ran ceaselessly on his wheel through Wednesday night.

The feel-good story took a sour turn early Thursday morning, however, as an anonymous source tipped off the Honor Committee that Loki’s performance was not natural. The Department of Public Safety, University Health Services, and Plainsboro Veterinary Clinic, with permission of the Office of the Dean of Undergraduate Students, administered a drug test at roughly 5:00 am Thursday. Confirming the anonymous accusations, Loki tested positive for dextroamphetamine mixed salts, or Adderall.

Loki’s seemingly impossible focus and tenacity, a shining beacon of hope to so many struggling midterm-ers, was ultimately just a chemically induced façade. Student reactions ranged from apathy to disappointment, to anger.

“He was such a trooper! I felt like if he could run continuously on a wheel all night, I could surely keep reading through some Econ notes. I felt confident about my midterm. But now, knowing Loki can’t do it naturally, I know I have no chance of success without taking drugs,” sophomore Harold Pyne lamented.

The scandal is already drawing comparisons to previous midterm weeks incidents, like the infamous “beaver” incident of 2004, when a ‘beaver’ hired to build a dam while being streamed on the internet turned out to be an otter and did not build a dam, leaving students unmotivated and depressed. Two years later, Thor the hamster was commissioned to run a wheel similarly to Loki, but was later found to be aided by a motorized wheel.

- MFG ’14

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