- You thought it might help your chances of getting into Cottage.
- You didn’t know Princeton was in New Jersey.
- For the chance to scream “More like ASSau Hall!” when you get your first, second, and final dean’s warnings for public intoxication.
- Your squirrel fetish.
- The privilege to pay to poop in the woods for a week.
- So that you could send each member of your zee group a Facebook message welcoming them to “the ride of their lives.”
- Four letters: Q U A D.
- You can join any student group you want, no experience necessary.
- You flipped a coin and somehow it landed “New Jersey” side up.
- When you asked your magic eight ball “Where should I go to college?” it answered “Reply hazy try again” and you thought a Princeton education might help you find out what on earth that means.
- You really wanted to have an awkward conversation with someone back home about what an eating club is.
- You claim to be ambitious but were actually just too lazy to scroll down the page on the US News college rankings.
- Forbes bumped us down from #1 to #3 after you already committed.
- You were planning on missing all the regular meal times at whichever college you attended, so you sought out a university with a reputable Late Meal Program.
- You were recruited for the Nude Olympics.
- How could you say no after The Prince welcomed you to “the jungle?” I mean, how fucking choice was that?
- Because Albert Einstein founded the university. Or at least was a professor there. No? Not even an alumnus? Fuck that.
– Staff