A Letter to Eisgruber: Eisgruber’s Response

Yesterday, our Chairman sent this e-mail to President Eisgruber.  Much to our surprise, he soon replied.

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Dear Timothy,

Thank you for these extremely delinquent congratulations.  As you might imagine, Tiger Magazine’s felicitations had been conspicuous by their absence, and many people had speculated wildly—and, as I can now see, accurately—about the motives for this snub.

That said, as a Chicago Cubs fan, I’m relieved to hear you report on the Magazine’s 130 years of futility.  Among the other rare events that occurred during that time span, the Cubs actually won the World Series—a mere 105 years ago, actually.  As George Will has said, anybody, including any ball club or humor magazine, can have a bad century.  But 130 years:  that is an achievement (admittedly, it is an achievement the Cubs are rapidly approaching, but I am confident the Magazine will not squander its hard-earned lead).

In light of all this, I wish I could honor your request for a dean’s warning.  I have, however, checked the various commissions and authorizations that arrived as I took office today, and I have reached two conclusions.  First, because I am not a dean, I cannot issue you with a dean’s warning.  Sorry.  And, before you ask, Princeton has no such thing as a “president’s warning.”

I reluctantly leave you to continue your ongoing student-like activities.  I would say that I look forward to working with you in the years ahead, but I fear that all our interactions will be as pointless as this one.

Best,

Chris Eisgruber

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