Timeline of Forgetting Her Name


1 minute
Wait, she just said it a minute ago. It started with an… S? No, that’s Shakira. I’m thinking of Shakira.

10 minutes
Uh oh, we’ve been talking too long for me to ask her name. But it’s surprising how little I care about her name or anything else about her. I might get through this…

15 minutes
She like penguins! Great! I’ll just call her “Penguin Chick!” Am I thinking of Shakira again? Fuck it.

16 minutes
OK she’s giving me a funny look for calling her Penguin Chick. Time to get out of here.

Day 2
Hey it’s Penguin Chick from last night! Shit, she still hasn’t added me on Facebook. What do I call her? Baby? Fuck it.

Day 3
In retrospect, I shouldn’t have called her baby. Actually, I probably should have just asked her name. Too far gone now. Fuck it.

Day 4
Whew, found her on Facebook. Prom pictures, graduation pictures, the easiest way to find out her year. Jackpot! Beach trip pictures! Oh, and I better check her name again. Better not forget that again.

1st date
How did I forget it again? Fuck it.

2nd date
“Hey how do I spell your name?”


“Um, I meant your last name.”


“Now is that with 2 H’s?…”

3rd date
God, I really need to work on my short-term memory.

“You are so much fun to be around, … you!”

Whew that was a close one. I think she bought it. Wait, she didn’t. Fuck it.

Wedding Day
I’m sure the pastor will say her name sometime during these vows. Fuck it.


– DC ’16.

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