On Having Finals After Break

To having finals after break
I’d favor burning at the stake.
At least the fire wouldn’t take
as long as death by Monster shake.

At MIT, they may play Quake
and Brown kids may puff joints and bake
but Tigers must, at sunrise, wake
for we must take more care than Drake
to bag up, for our futures’ sake,
as many A’s as we can rake
or else–oh no!–our lives will break!
We’ll step onto a rattlesnake!
Our hair will flake! Our hearts will ache!
We’ll earn less than an oil Sheikh!

If Old Nassau won’t yet forsake
this tragic calendar mistake
which settlement should students make?
Convince the deans at Yale to take
to having finals after break.

– JMC ’16

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