Scalia Writes “Rights” on a Piece of Paper, Pisses on It

scalia cover

PRINCETON, NJ—According to several news outlets, Associate Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia hurled a pair of scissors at a student who asked a question at a lecture he gave at Princeton University on Monday. Scalia then stepped to the side of the podium, removed his trousers, and mooned the crowd of roughly 800 before extending his middle finger and walking off the stage. He then walked back on stage holding a sheet of paper on which he had written the word “Rights” in Sharpie. He crumpled the paper in a ball, threw it on the ground, then urinated on it before leaving the stage again.

According to others, he gave a candid, witty, and mostly uncontroversial lecture outlining his reasonable but somewhat unique view on the limited powers of the Supreme Court to declare legislative acts unconstitutional.

– MFG ‘14

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